Everyday is a sunny day!

wat sia!... today i duno go thru all the blogs for how many times le... near com only, i moved my house, go to favourites... visit every blogs i have, read thru them... den go away frm com... walk here walk there... go msn den check who's online... den leave com again... watch tv, den com again... wat sia...

stupid life... i mean today... no aim is really boh liao... tml, sat, prgrmed lined up le... sunday haven confirmed... mon tue wed is camp liao... den thu fri book in, fri rouhui's chalet till sun... sun prgrm not out... den next sat wushu bbq... maybe sun go out wif qi and yang... next 2 wk still blank...

thinking abot my bday plans... still got 4 mths... why am i thinking? lol... im thinking where to spend and how much to save... 3 grps of friends... i think im going to spend a freak half k :p hahhaa... hen kua zhang leh:p lol~

...it's autumn time, 10:32 PM

today's weather too good to be true... it's cold...:p

it's been long since i got tis weather to accompany me... 3pm:p planned to wake at 8am in the end 3pm den wake up:p lol~ juz lack of a blanket... tt's why i woke up:p

now... still wearing to ystrday's clothes... plus a sweater on me... duno wana bath, coz later come out sure shiver like duno wat 1... den confirm will drop in my bed, wif my blanket tis time..

looking at the com... not noeing wat to do... so come blog...

actually is got things to do... but so sianz... this type of weather seems juz like telling u to nua around...

muz get moving... today thu liao... tml fri, muz complete things today.. if not drag again...

...it's autumn time, 3:26 PM

went out around 5 and met up wif kahboon, eugene and fang er at chinatown... went to eat dan dan:p long awaited... yummie... but not as nice as the 1st time i eat le... the 1st time i eat juz now cook finish, so super hot... den finish liao, chat there for awhile den we all leave house le...

haha... sorry ah eugene... bad timing... coz today motive is like go eat dessert only, nvr plan anything else de... hm... call me out another to go BEST wif ya ba:) i shd be free de:)

i wonder wat i'll be doing the next few days... the leave seems long... but yet, it's so short... i duno wat i toking oso... hm... basically means i everyday got things to do... but no motive at all leh...

nthing much to say le

...it's autumn time, 7:56 PM

juz watched finish il mare... abit disappointing... for the ending... but still... it's good:) hahha... maybe coz watched lakehouse le... den got expectations here and there...

if choose, i prefer lakehouse ba... but i like korean de scene... so nice... haha... if only the actors swap:p haha... but the story wun make any sense le rite? haha... hm... im going to get lakehouse vcd:p yeah

...it's autumn time, 2:10 PM

did i say something wrong again?...

i hope not...

little small update... fever subsided, cough oso more or less gone le... funny... maybe room too dusty... juz changed my bedsheet etc etc. now left flu, shd be ez to recover as long as the dust not tt much

ystrday's duty was peaceful... glad... whole day was doing my stuffs and completed quite alot of it... think it shd be able to be complete in time. thot ystrday can movie marathon. den realised tt ystrday was tue! tt means other company still in camp. so in the end nvr watch till around 9 like tt... watched 2 movies:) hehe... gd show~! touching...

watched il mare...

iL mare ~ it means sea... it means ocean...

on bus way home, i saw this poster den recalled... Extinction is forever conserve... tt's how i read it... den eugene corrected me... Extinction is forever. Conserve... i wondered why i nvr see those punctuation... small little things does makes big difference... and tt's why it's important...

...it's autumn time, 11:54 AM

it's 514am now... i shou bu liao le... cant sleep... my waist area now ache till like duno wat... body hot... den go take temp... 37degrees... my fever is setting in le... tired and xinku...

den wana find medicine... cant find... juz grab some yellow colour pill for my flu... den my mum woke up when im returning back to my room... she saw the thermometer in my mouth den she noe wat happen lioa....

she go find the fever panadol for me... it's during this time when my mum really really very nice to me... coz it's like... who the hell will wake up at 5?... dun think she wake so early 1 loh... usually 530 1 ba... i duno... but... always when i need her... she'll be there...

sick... when i cant take care of myself... she'll take care of me... thx... i have a great mum, i have a great dad... but how come i cant love them?... lol... maybe we are too friendship based family le ba:p but haha.. it's always great to have them around:)

mum wans me to go see doc den take mc... but i dun have anyone to replace me... imagine now early in da mrning... u call up someone den tell him he suddenly needa go camp to replace me for duty... how they feel?... confirm even more sianed den me...

hopefully later duty nobody come stunt me... let me rest... arghz.... ache ache ache... hot hot hot...-_-" hao xin ku ah....:(

...it's autumn time, 5:19 AM

... 3/4 way to fully sick... last symptom haven come... and tt's fever-_-" thot cough will come only tml leh... in the end today came liao... too early... xin ku... block nose, plus diarrhea... den cough... haix... why always tis cycle 1 huh? i juz recovered for less den a mth loh!... wth... muz tell mum to give me tonic liao... body too weak le:p lol~ guess tml if i dun slp den my fever will be coming liao:p hahha...

k... 1st thing 1st... i oso wana thank you for the 2 mths of happiness youve given me... it's the best 2 mths i had since this 2 yrs... really... im happy wif every moment wif ya:) merci:) if you're wondering why i so rude to ya earlier on, when i return ya the letter & juz walk away.... the reason is quite simple, coz there's someone beside you...

i cant remember everything about your letter liao.... super long... but i now noe wat happened le... finally... i mean finally i noe wat u thinking liao... noe tt vie seriously misunderstood... and seriously assumed things to be true... sorry for all the stress and troubles and etc etc etc tt ive given ya.... really sorry...

1 very bad thing abot me is 1 dun get hints!~:p ... haha... * dun wana make tis too serious, like you say, it's not a rejection, coz we nvr even start. I really dun get hints!:P tt's why ive made you sad again and again... coz im SLOW... tt's the truth... if i knew, i nvr would... U see those ppl who "seems" to attach or something liek tt... i'll always be the last to noe and it'll be someone telling me den i noe 1... i cant catch it...

hm... u dun owe me anything... really... uve given me more den enuff... really... so dun wurry... but i owe u something... will give it back to you de...:)

oh yah... jul and me... it's not abot the touchy issue ba... coz she herself already super touchy liao... anyway our relation wasnt wrked like how we did... but wat she go thru... i duno... there's some simliarity... but wat u 2 bth might be the same thing... but mostly is abot my moodiness tt time... but i think i change tt over the 2 yrs liao... did i?... nvm:p she still hates me... so i think nvr improved b4 ba...

and abot tt nite tt of sms, abot xian and him quarrel over the study thing... actually tt nite... i nvr asked for any answer... but u juz say u dun wana think abot it now, after exam den u think... den i say okie... haha... tt's why i feel funny when u say u'll give me the answer tt i wan.... when i actually asked for non:p but i was hoping for another thing instead...

looking @ the time, indeed, it was too fast, but im too slow to understand tis... sorry for not keeping my promise... time... i nvr gave it to u at all...
regarding abot making xian fed up... seriously, i didnt noe till u blogged it... no one ever told me anything and tt's why i assumed alot ba... seriously, i didnt noe abot him treating nthing happened & msg xian the next day as normal & now... i understand wat you're feeling le.... finally...

misconception/misunderstand is a very bad thing... but how to clear up? i mean i duno... i assumed and i nvr clarify... thot it would only create more trouble... but seems tt either way, it'll oso cause trouble...-_-" being straightforward muz be controlled at times... tt's my mistake...

actually, im very well prepared for this thingie le... frm ur blog, ur songs, ur quotes etc... already noe wat i expecting le... juz giving myself small hopes... hope tt there's another bond tt wun be broken... tt's friendhip... kena 1 time liao, wun let myself drown in for the 2nd time de. will nvr walk back the same old route... So dun feel anything bad for telling me all these... coz i really dun mind anymore.... straightened out my thots when things went super bad...

pls mind me if u think i treat like nthing happens... i treat tis seriously and regard tis as a milestone of my life... it's juz tt at every turn, we juz have to get stronger and keep moving... in relationship, im and amatuer, & thx for letting me "grow". anyway, 1 week b4 the firewrk, i already found the reason to like you... but no means saying now le ba:p

and yeah, noe tt u still treat me as friend... but things wun go back to the same b4 le ba?... i wonder, coz i duno... but i hope tt we still can joke and play around like when i 1st noe ya:) like i said to all my friends, and a promise to all, i cherish them all and tt incl jul and you... i'll still be standing by your side when u need me... but guess ur jiemeis will be there b4 me le ba:) but anyway, haha... im still ur friend standing by:)

oh yah.... the gift, dun be surprised... coz i make gifts for my friends... think u shd noe abot tis... though tis time the gift looks buangz, but the wishes for u still remains the same:)

alot of things... but i cant remember liao... wondered why u took it back, but it's good, it's better u take it back:) tt shd be abot it of wat i wana say ba...

i dare not say abot future, but i leave it to fate... hm... lastly hope u settle ur prob soon... and smoothly... and congrats for founding ur job:) may friendship prevail... cheers:)

* oh yah... if the next time i got msg u... i still treat something happened, but my tone will be as b4:) wanted things to be normal ba...:)

Defination of like and love...

lol... of coz dislike and hates dun define like and love lah!.... hahhaa... they 2 different things at all mah...

haha... was juz trying to show wat's love might be like when hate is like tis... when u hate... it's easy, carefree... you're angered, feel irritated, but u're not stressed by it. you're not held responsible and u need not care the feelings of the other party.... it's supposingly... a "positive" thing...

love..., it's not easy at all... who dare say it's easy? when love comes into place, freedom will restrict, u might feel loved, comfortable, but wat comes wif it is stress when responsibililty comes... you're concerned abot the feelings of the other party and be stressed when the other is not happy. both party... they are related, by a bond... and when things goes wrong... tis is "negative"...

depends all how each and individual see ba....

i see like as like... i can like everyone... i can dislike these few... but love... no... it's a 1 heart to 1 psn thingie... but love is divided into different category... family, friends, stead, work etc... till now... i put love in stead, work and food... my family?... haha... i can only use like... coz family bond not as close ba.... friends? hahha... sorry... i can only use very like ba:p haha... coz love:p lol... i cant say i love u to a friend:p hahhaha.... too deep a feeling:p

when you love... you put in more efforts in doing things... you'll think abot it's future... you're concerned and start wondering things abot it... and tries to perfect it... always hoping for the best out of it....

different ppl have different concept of love... so one's love cant put into another... tt's why... misconception is there ba...

...it's autumn time, 1:00 AM

HOPE.... it's a word tt's so powerful... not, it's not a word... it a feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best... reading blogs... den come across this frm his & her blog..."You Gave Me Hope"... i understand tis feeling. What u see is bright lights, happy future... everything is wonderful. it makes u wants to stand up again when u fell... and it will continue to do so no matter how many times u fell and how deep u're hurt... tt's hope...

ive once saw this hope... and i thot this hope would be good... but this hope is a feeling, it's my feeling... tt's why hope does fails too... but 1 hope fails but the other will juz light up... i'll be giving myself hopes here and there... keep giving myself hopes to allow me to continue my journey... but of coz i do noe 1 thing, tt's my feeling, not a fact yet:) so when i realise tis... i noe when hope is gone, im not hurt:) tingyun, tt's how i get up so fast:) and oso frm the help frm someone....

i will nvr lose hope... again!~:) im a hope for myself:) so guard duty comes, hopes gone, i'll still be serving the extras, juz with a little grumble:p and whining i suay:p ahhaha

To the guy who had tis hope... i wish that your hope will continue further... and may this hope shines while it still can... and may tis hope shines bright... jiayou ah!... u're the 2nd guy i thot who is sweet... hopefully you're being loved:) *hey... no gayish thot here okie!:p

To the girl who had tis hope... yupz... when a hope stops shining... it turns dim... till one day, it dun shine anymore... find yourself a new hope, let's move on:) may u find ur new hope in life... not only in relation...:)

browsing thru the blogs... and come across tis...
喜欢是浅浅的爱，爱是深深的喜欢
haha... it's quite long ago when ive quoted tis... few yrs back ba... when i was too, wondering wat is like and wat is love... and wat is den considered like and wat is den considered love?...

how does like differ from love? how do u see whether it's like of love? so many qns... yet no answers...

let me bring u to view frm another perception... which i think... might be easier to see...

wat is the opposite of like? wat is the opposite of love?

it's dislike and hate... wat do u dislike? wat do u hate?... is it easier to see now?... u see... human perception are generally easier towards -ve isnt it? u can say more things tt u dun like den like i guess... i read somewhere b4... but correct me if im wrong:) den look at wat u dislike, wat u hate... den u might be able to see wat is like, and wat is love...

i dislike chilli.. and i hate being lonely after sadness...

hate... i think the only think i hate in this world, might be this feeling called lonely-after-sadness(self create word, feeling of emptiness in the heart when u're upset and seems like nthing can fill up tt emptiness...) the feeling is shit!... mind me...

hate... i rather love den hate... i duno why, though hate is so much easier den love, so less tedious, so less responsibility, everything and everything hate is so much better den love... but i juz dislike hate... coz it strains...

frm another blog.... i noe u hate me... but wat can i do abot it? there's nthing i could do but to leave u alone... but leaving u alone isnt enuff, i still have to avoid u, but avoid u still isnt enuff and ive disappeared frm u... for as much as i could...

seriously... have u ever thot did they ever called me out EVERYTIME? (u emphasized tt word so i shall too)... for god sake... everytime is not the correct word when i think i only get those invitation frm them like once in 3 or 4 mths or even longer... the rest are club outings which are not organise by them at all... so why blame them?...

tt day i was juz so happened to be there when we're saying abot overseas trip... im involved in the conversation and laken brought up tis point tt he wana go b4 he enlist... i was juz happened to be there and only polite to call me along... it's fine tt i dun go!... i noe tt if i go things wun be nice but i thot they're all around u?! im fine wif being juz by myself.... and seriously, ur bf already considered alot for u already loh!... and yah, u think they wun make u happy anymore juz coz of me?... dun be stupid... they're ur friends, they're always wif u and im absolutely more like a hi-bye friend liao le loh!...

do u think u're the only 1 controlling?... i have to control myself not to do anything more actions or even anything at all so tt i wun triggered tt red button of urs... u think i like it ah?...have u ever spared the thots for ur best friends around how they feel? u think they dun feel awkward? they dun feel bad? they dun feel duno wat to do?... i duno... maybe u spared.... but no use keep complaining... since uve already treat me as non-existence, den why still make a big fuss abot me? it's ur relation on the strain! not mine!...

anyway, we oso not enemy... u can might as well say tt we duno each other?... enemies at least quarrel and backstab each others... we? we dun even see each other-_-"

it's a "small" thing im not going and in case u got read my blog... cherish ur relation and appreciate wat ur man does for u...

"all he will do is complain no money, sleep at some table, be moody, make me pissed, talk big, kao bei~... the list goes on..." thx... and tt's me... like u said... rather be someone hating me for wat i am?... seriously... i am wat i am and i nvr fake even a single minute... wat's wrong... haix...-_-" nvm... this is 1 hope tt ive given up long ago...

to the last thing i wana blog... hiax... lost... and in lose... after reading her blog... den i realised wat im losing and is losing... the thing tt i considered 2nd most important in my life.... the thing tt i considered w/o them i cant be weng... the thing tt i noe i always will need them... and that thing is called friends...

once we're so close... we talked everything in the world... and now, barely afew words, or shd even say meeting... haijiao, leslie, weibin, gary, tingyun, zhenghong, zirong, jiahui, zhijie, junren, siaohui, peishan, kaiyi, shuping, aifen, xiuli, ccl, morby, weili etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc... all is slowly leaving my circle... wat hurts me most is jiao... i wish i can talk to her like im before... but there's so many things in the heart tt juz couldnt be like b4... she's one friend tt im distanc-ing tt hurts me most... am i losing this friend becoz of u? certainly not.... it's abot me tt i shd think abot... recently another friends matter... i duno how to handle it... and im really scared of losing it... im already thinking too much... wat i have to change to myself????!!!

im grabbing, grabbing to it all... hopefully tt bond tt we have, i still grab hold tightly in my hands... ive woke up le... but is it too late?...

singles, have their way of living their lives... ive already noe my way of life being single... and i'll be wrking towards it... may all my friends be around... may all be with me...

*** came across tis when im reading Jimmy's picture book...

我练习走钢索，跳火圈
转飞盘，丢苹果，射飞刀
猪练习走快乐，跳幸福
转高兴，丢寂寞，射忧郁

meaningful?... i hope u noe wat it means... im going to be tt pig:) hehhehe:p

...it's autumn time, 10:47 AM

yeah... nthing now shd get in my life... my prob will remain and i'll be able to solve it someday... yes i will... wat tingyun says is rite... 人生有不如意之事will always come... muz stay calm and resolve it... i noe i will resolve it someday... coz no, i dun wana lose the things that i want... and tt's 1 of the most important things tt i must have in life... and that's called friendship...

now, back to controlling my life... life has taken over me for sometime... it's time to get back... no more... i'll spend my effort taking control now... im the leader!...

Gd... prgrms well planned shd be the 1st thing on hand... ystrday went training, shiok!... coz b4 my bday, i will learn finish my ce kong fan... tt's the 1st task tis year... after training... went to eat supper and potong pasir there, eat tian ji zhou... yummie!!! haha... it's the 2nd time in my whole life tt i ever went so far to eat supper:p lol... mountain tortoise:p hahha... den got so many ppl! hansong, qinhao, elvin, winhung, me, laken, shirong, jiao, tingyun and fang:p haha... juz nice fit into the vehicles we have:p

hm... after tt went leslie's house play mahjong... at 1st win:p hahha... but in the end lost:p as usual:p nthing special... always win in da beginning, lose in the ending... already prepared to lose $30 1... haha... but heng... i saved $10?:p 1st time shirong won!... gd game... summore alot of ppl went his house... got me, shirong, laken, tingyun(oh yah... was able to make her gian to go training;p hahha...) haijiao and fang er! haha... yeah... long nvr had gathering le... missed the time... but ns... and they live in the east side... so hardly ever i can meet them... hopefully they can call me out more often...

mrning tingyun very cute... partly we oso quite seh liao... den she blur blur 1... den nvr talk alot den we rubbish say we 3 fall in love wif her liao... but she got bf, muz think of way to get rid etc... haha.. v lame... lol...~

after 1 nite of mahjonging... we going ktv-ing later... -_-" shit... going low on cash again... but nvm:p will be able to make it somehow... den at nite i'll be booking in, coz tml guard duty... den mon go back rest and do some stuffs tt i need to do, since i 2 days not at home-_-" room super messy... den tt nite will be training:p yeah! alumni shd be going again;p high mood... gonna train train train! last day of using carpet b4 we can use it again next mth...

so we drived to fetch jiao, coz she went to wrk... i was sitting at the back of the van... super tired... so laken drive until so buangz... i oso slpt peacefully... freak tired... haha... den the van so super dusty... makes me reallllly dry:p

suddenly recalled a memory, duno whether it's a dream or not, and duno whether izzit me or my nephew... there's once we sat at the back of the van... den the back door suddenly opened... we almost dropped out... scary... i wonder was tt real or juz my dreams...

anyway, today is the 1st time i heard jiao sings!!! haha... so exciting... lol... everytime nvr hear her sing 1... even got, u can hardly hear her singing:p but today she sings quite alot sia:p happy:p

hm... duno how to mian dui things today... but juz take it as per normal... noe wat i do today wun do anything or have any efx... so juz be myself b4 i came ktv-ing... oh yah... i think i really tired till jialat... coz i keep dozing off in the room!... lol~.... den after dinner i left early... came to edit my blog... pack my stuffs... actually wana go popular to buy this book "The Train Man"... the book seems cool... it's juz a story simply being ripped off from a forum... interesting... but, shit, last week got... today go... no more!!!... sianz.. tml guard duty loh, so went to library to get some books instead...-_-"

tue go back camp again... COS duty-_-" biangz... ppl block leave i go back COS.... haix... kena cheated by kumar:p... but nvm... since cant change the fact already... might as well take it... look on the bright side! there's nobody in the company... tt means no calls? means nthing to do? yeah! den i can do my own stuffs... my company planning etc etc.. time gonna be well spent! :)

hm... wed thu no plans yet... but fri.... hm... shd i go training or shd i go clubbing?... still under decision... den sat and sun shd be well reserved for waiteng!!!!:) duno teng will u be reading this anot... but i shd have a small surprise for ya:)

den the week after will be 3 days of wushu training camp den back to army again-_-" haha... but gd... fri rouhui's bday chalet:p haha... darn broke:p muz save save save:p

butttt... haha... during the last week of sept:p im going to get my new hp:p yeah... z550i/Z610i/k618i or k610i... either 1 of them:p

hm... den tt's abot it for aug and sept for the time being... den maybe will clear the rest of my leave?... coz they might be planning to go m'sia b4 laken enlist... wana join them... if possible... hopefully i can go... coz i really wana get out of singapore for sometime... it'll be during sept...

tt's abot it now... plans for the next few mths on the way...

today going to eat Dan Dan:p steamed egg in cantonese... hahah... niceeeeeeeeeeee:p yeah!... my life will be on the correct track now... ! jiayou! *... in the end we reached too late... lol... there goes my dan dan... XIAN!!!!.... u free when? hahha... go eat wif me leh:p

~ interesting, when i go thru the papers..
rearrange the words... you'll get...:
Dormitory: Dirty room
Desperation: A rope ends it
Eleven plus two: Twelve plus one

...it's autumn time, 11:17 AM

WO DE TIAN AH!!! WAT'S HAPPENING TO MY LIFE!!!!... it's getting out of control... shit...

aunty... i duno how to explain to u... im not gd at this... tt's why u're always there for me!... i dun mean u're judging... judging is not the word... but i duno wat word to use... arghz... i wana let u noe tt not NOTHING seems to work... it's working but u cant see it...

words in blog doesnt tell u my emotion tt much... my life is really getting better coz of u!... haix... i really duno how to say it here... my life is already getting back to normal le.... ive got plans out etc etc etc... everything is going to be seen soon but not now... i still got some prob to settle...

ive always been treasuring all my friendships and tt includes urs... i really couldnt tell u how sorry i am now... it's it's... duno how to say... nvm... but the thing is pls pls pls forgive me...

i dun wana lose a friend like you...

有些是像是理所当然，可是就是这些事，更值得去谢

~leaving life the way as it is is not working... need to take control of it before it climbs over me...

...it's autumn time, 11:10 PM

today got nites out.. but im unbale to complete wat i haven complete... coz nites out abit too late... wasnt able to get the material i need b4 going home...

and shit! almost made a terrible mistake...-_-" i almost forogt today's my dad bday!... till when my sis came home and asked whether i receive sms frm my dad den i remember-_-" haix... almost become bu xiao zi liao:p...

okie... i understand le...

but i really dun noe wat happened... 其实我真的不明白，为什么我们会这样。

wait wait wait... i noe where im around le... anyway, it's not an answer im asking for actually... but nvm...

take care, happy bday, a song dedicated to ya... no special meaning, juz a happy bday to ya:)

for everything tt might happen... i juz wish tt history wun repeats...

cut the cake wif dad... and im on my way back to camp...

...it's autumn time, 8:08 PM

okie... tis is really worth posting...-_-" but it's quite er xin too:p haha

k... so i was using the pot to double boil the wax gel to do something... yeah... so etc etc... den i finish le, keep my stuffs lah...

den dinner time... see the amount of rice my mum give me... fan wei.... lol... too much le lah!... den she ask me i got eat anything b4?... hm... sushi? :p at 3:p hahha...

nvm tt... important is wat i typing next, so my 1 of my fav dish, steam stingray:p haha.. yum... she say the fish was last week 1... frm fresh now oso not fresh liao, not nice to eat... but nvm, i still wana eat:) home food leh!...

so i ate... the 1st mouth i already sense something wrong liao... i swallow it into my stomach... den i ask... mum... wat u added to the stingray today?... it tastes.... tastes... so funny... how come my mouth liang liang de? (cooling)... all the way down to my stomach... i thot she added alcohol... but no... i taste the gravy... duno leh... i cant figure wats wrong... den she eat another mouth... den think it's spoiled le, so we both put the dish aside liao... dun eat

so by now... can u all guess wat happen le? lol...

k... den she's washing up the plates... den she shouted for me... den she asked me wat i used the pot for earlier... errr.... double boil wax?... -_-" she thot i used it to steam bun... so she nvr go wash it... and tt means???? yesh you're rite... we ate wax into our stomach...-_-" now wonder liang liang de...

i was laughing till i pengz loh! lol!... den we say tml can come home liao... sure diarrheoa... and immediately, i really go toilet liao.. diarrhoea-_-" hahha... tt's called immediate psychological effect... :p

tml i doing cos duty... guess most of the time i'll be in the toilet rather den the office? hahha... tis yr really not gd... tis is the how many times i kena diarrhoea le ah?....:(

hm... hoping wed i can have nites out... wana complete something tt i haven complete...

...it's autumn time, 8:51 PM

.... i got so many things i wana say... i thot it would be a face to face talk... but nvm... i began not to like letters... though i did tt last time...

anyway, nvm... i already expected it to be next week... juz tt i got 6 more days to wait... since waited for 2 weeks le... it's juz 1 more week to go...

u got nthing more to say other den in the letter... u got nthing to talk to me le?.... i duno wat im going to get frm ya... but i do not hope for much... i duno wat will happen to us... but hopefully not something bad... juz like you, i dun wan my history to repeat too...

but i still wish to talk to u after the letter... which i think i most prob will...

there's juz too many things in my mind now... but none of them i can say out...

tis week gonna be a super long week... haix... wishing tt fri i dun need to be safety spec... den i can book out as per normal... the alumnis are training tis fri... i wana join them... wana go learn stunt... wana let myself out for some time...

fri... enjoy urself:) it's ur bday:) happy birthday, in advance...:)

oh yah... take care of urself... so many injuries... haix... take care, hope u recover soon... and how's ur job hunting?... gd luck for it:)

...it's autumn time, 4:25 PM

today, no... shd be ystrday liao... woke up at 8 plus ba... den went out of house around 9... went to eat dim sum buffet at tung lok restaurant, opp safti there... to celebrate my dad's bday in advance... it's the coming wed:)...

okie...the food not bad lah... but ordered too much... biagnz... haha... i ate quite alot ba... but all the food nvr go into my stomach 1... so i nvr eat alot oso... feel very gao wei... at 1st tis meal is treated by mum 1... but dad payed in the end... haha... why? later den u noe...:p

* edited: den my da gu says tt i got alot wrinkles... so young so much wrinkles liao... muz be frowning alot... yupz.. she's right somehow... my whole family, not even my mum or dad who's 40/50 liao has wrinkles... only i got...-_-" think too much.. tt's why:p tt day took a maturity test online... it says my age is 30-_- wah... 10yrs older... got so much meh? haha.. think so ba:p haha

den after tt my cousin drive me to JP den i took 157 meet fang er to go TPY... biangz... tis few days of going TPY really xiong... haha... transport fee hit $20 tis week lol...! quite alot hoh? oso duno how i take transport 1 lol!... maybe coz muz go back camp home and stadium, tt's why ba.

today last day of competition... was praying hard today u'll do well... great:) congrats for getting 1st:) so happy for ya... actually ystrday shd oso be u 1 i guess... haix... nvm... wat's over is over... laken oso very ke xi... cant be san xiang quan neng... oh yah! lol... fang said u nvr cross the "unlucky" zone... tt's why no mistake... lol!~ no lah... u did well:) it's ur effort:)

fang oso... but today she did much better den di tan quan tt day... at least today shuai ke nice wor! hhahaha... jiayou! SPWA will form!!!!! haha... till den, i'll be learning hard! Jing Sai Jian, Zi Xuan Gun, Ji Ti Quan/Bing Qi, Shuang Jian, Lian Guan Ce Kong Fan, Xuan Zi + 360, and Xuan Feng 540. tis is my tis wushu year plan... hahhahah... ambitious... lol!!~ but i think i can do it:) jiayou ah! SPWA if really form, i sure super enthu de:) haha... den can compete wif them too, it'll be fun!

finish exam, finish competition le... time for u to rest well le:) enjoy ur holiday ba, and ur upcoming bday:)...

after the com... jiao oso not feeling well... so we oso left le... nvr say bye to u:p den we go suntec have dinner... i nvr eat... freak still full loh... no appetite.. haha... we met hong for dinner at pastamania. when we sat there... i bth liao... went to royce to get myself indulge... chocolateeeeee:p hahha... chocolates says to have the effect to sooth a person's emotion... tell u tt is really true... but usually, it's effect oso very fast gone too:p haha... so is eat le den v shuang only:p haha... cannot eat so much... if not addicted:p haha...

den have to leave even b4 they eat finish... coz meeting my parents.. why???? buy hp for my dad... haha... now u noe why he paid for the buffet? lol... got him n73... freak... $468.... heng he trade in his hp loh!... $200.. if not i really really freak broke liao...

pls, dun say i rich... coz seriously im not... juz nice tt they backpayed me tis mth... and since im 21, getting paid, and nvr get him anything xiang yang b4... so thot tis yr i get him a hp ba... tt hp quite up... but haha... i think he oso duno how to use 1 lah... let him happy:) hahhaa... oh yah... the hp not shared by me only lah:p haha... still got my mum and cousin, so my load oso not tt big too.. paid like $200+ nia

so he used my plan to sign up... den there goes my k610i... the red 1 is out le... haha:p NOPEZ:p coz my sis's plan can upgrade next mth 27th:p hiak hiak hiak:p k610i $178:p hahha... im gonna get it:p hehhehe...

den now... i got a new skin... thx to AUNTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! haha... xie xie ni!:)

the bg i haven design yet... slowly ba... i got alot of things wana edit the template oso... aiyoh aunty, wat cap of the ocean... hen nan ting leh.... lol~... muz think of something better to quote:p

still got alot to blog... shall continue tml ba...

helen & the fox... the movie ends tis wed... wana watch...

...it's autumn time, 4:09 AM

Mark your confessions:
[x, more like lonely rather den silence]I'm afraid of silence.
[x] I talk A LOT when I get really nervous.
[x, as in i scared of tickle] I'm really ticklish.
[ ] I'm afraid of the dark.
[ ] I'm afraid of facing my back to open doors at night.
[x, duno why leh, no security? haha] I can't sleep in a room if the door is open
[ ] I can't sleep in a room if the door is closed
[ ] I am afraid of gay or lesbian people.
[x] I believe in true love.
[ ] I've run away from home
[ ] I listen to political music
[x] I collect comic books
[x, sometimes] I shut others out when I'm sad.
[x] I've stayed out all night.
[ ] I open up to others easily.
[ ] I'm keeping a secret from the world.
[ ] I watch the news
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[x] I love Disney movies.
[ ] I am a sucker for green eyes.
[ ] I am a sucker for brown eyes.
[ ] I am a sucker for blue eyes
[ ] I don't kill bugs
[x, especially in camp]I curse.
[ ] I have an "x" in my screen name.
[x] I've slipped and fell in public.
[ ] I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation
[ ] I love Spam....
[ ] I bake well
[x, forgot why liao, hhaha... but some event, we got performance i think during pri sch] I have worn pajamas to class.
[ ] I have owned something from Abercrombie.
[x] I want a better job
[x, once only, wif PEISHAN! haha] Talked on a phone for 6+ hours.
[ ] I love Dr. Phil.
[x] I like multiple people
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[x] I am self-conscious.
[x, who doesnt?] I love to laugh.
[ ] I have smoked a pack in one day.
[ ] I loved Lord of the Flies.
[x] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[ ] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[x] I love chocolate.
[ ] I bite my nails.
[ ] I am not comfortable with being me.
[ ] I play computer games when I'm bored.
[ ] Gotten lost in the city.
[x] Thought of suicide before.
[ ] Seen a shooting star.
[ ] Had a menage a trois.
[x] Gone out in public in my pajamas
[ ] Kissed someone really strange
[ ] Hugged a stranger.
[ ] Been in a bloody fist fight with someone of a diff. sex.
[ ] Been in a fist fight
[ ] Been arrested.
[x] Laughed and had some type of beverage come out of my nose.
[x] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[ ] Made out in an elevator.
[ ] Swore at Liberace.
[ ] Kicked a guy where it hurts on purpose
[ ] Been skydiving.
[ ] Been bungee jumping.
[x] Gotten stitches.
[ ] Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
[x] Bitten someone
[ ] Been to Niagara Falls.
[ ] Gotten the chicken pox.
[ ] Crashed into a car...
[ ] Been to Japan.
[x] Ridden in a taxi.
[x, haha... nottie hoh?:p of coz tt's during pri sch:p haha] Shoplifted
[ ] Been fired.
[x] Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[ ] Stole something from your job.
[ ] Gone on a blind date.
[ ] Had a crush on a teacher/coach.
[ ] Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[ ] Been to Europe.
[ ] Slept with a co-worker, and/or employee.
[ ] Been to New York
[ ] Been married
[ ] Gotten divorced
[x] Saw someone/something dying.
[ ] Have a list of people you want to kill.
[ ] Driven over 400 miles in one day.
[ ] Been to Canada.
[x] Been on a plane.
[ ] Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[ ] Thrown up in a bar or club
[x] Eaten sushi.
[ ] Been snowboarding.
[x] Continued to care for someone so much even though you know you can't have them
[ ] Taken a picture just for the sole purpose of putting it on myspace/friendster..
[x] Been ice skating
[x] Cried in public.
[ ] Walked purposely into traffic with your eyes closed.
[ ] Been at a party and instead of giving out your phone number you give them your mypsace name and say, "look me up"
[ ] Liked someone even though you knew you shouldn't have.
[x] Thought of someone a lot lately.
[ ] Hate the world.
[ ] Love someone who doesnt/didnt realize it
[x, hp is forever wif me unless im training, duno why, juz keep hoping my phone will ring always lol...] Have your cell phone permanently attached to your hand/hip
[x] Cried over a guy/girl you didnt even go out with.

...it's autumn time, 11:24 PM

i tried to warm my hands, at least when i shake ur hand, u wun feel the coldness in me....:p

think i shake ur hands to tightly liao:p haha... sorry... juz wana tell u to jiayou, but u tell me dun talk to u:p bleah:p nvm...

anyway today's competition was pretty well... dun wurry, tml ur last event... jiayou:) once again:)

tml last event le... will i hear frm you? soon? i hope so...

...it's autumn time, 12:44 AM

k... finally ended liao...

today's comp... hm... disappointed, but not upset:) coz i did wat i can, and i think i did better den i think i can liao...

k, wat's so disappointing? my xuan feng, li he and bai lian... by rite all shd have slapping sound 1... den i keep doing my warm up, trying to perfect it... and yes, i did it... during warm up-_-"

when comp start, im not nervous at all, coz the 20 psn in front of me i nvr look at them at all, was outside doing my warm up... but tt's great... no stress no nthing... juz me and myself... haha... diaoz, den warm up i hit my fingers! *pain, jzu 1 psn b4 me den i hurt my fingers-_- lucky nvr affect alot, juz the index fingers cant move:p

so it went fine, den my xuan feng, i was so surprised there's no sound!... nvm, still got li he, no sound again, den bai lian oso dun have! seriously sadded lah!... i think my marks kena pulled down quite alot... 8.41 is my score... izizt? haha... cant remember liao:p i aiming for near 8.50... too bad... but at least i nvr made mistake:p

genhao was gd, hit till his palm blue black liao... den got 7th position

fang er was haix... if she nvr made tt error, everything would be gd le.... but nvm, next yr we'll make a come back:p haha... known as the Alumnis:p hahhaha... provided we enthu enuff to form and alumni team lah:p always say say say, den nvr do... spwushu style...-_-"

next week is a boring and loooooonggggg week... though monday is off, tue i got cos duty, fri got combat shoot... haix, cant celebrate ur bday wif u... den sun got guard duty... nvm... the week after is wat im waiting for... block leave... 9days of off... gd enuff? provided i got things to do... i wana settle some stuff oso... hopefully i can settle it tt week...

hm... and i thot why suddenly mention abot jb...-_- yuan lai shi zhe yang... suddenly getting popular?... and i thot u have enuff probs le but things still comes...haix...
but anyway, gd luck for ur paper tml.. 12chpters... duno how u're gonna do it, but i noe u can do it:) jiayou! and oso for the next 2 event of urs! i'll support u de:)

...it's autumn time, 12:35 AM

... dun 惜惯 ur existence? dun quite get it... but i noe we're juz where we started:)

juz concerned as i normally will do

i got alot to tell you... and im also waiting to hear frm you... nvm... all wait till after competition is over..

~ private ~ abot family liao...

long nvr blog abot family le rite?... once i blog u'll noe nthing gd is coming...-_-"

my parents tell me abot my sis kena those things again-_-" haix.. it's the peak season den the master says tt actually kena for many years liao, den we nvr notice...

juz now i scolded her for hacking into my computer and use my stuffs... i mean i already create an acc for her le loh!.... den wat for she use my acc? later do tis do tt... den my stuffs always gone...

i only say her how can she do tt? can give me at least respect or u say privacy anot? now my whole room is like given u to slp, to let u entertain ur friend etc etc... den wat else?.... mum wans me to give in to her again... no choice... will give in... no say i bu shuang to give in to her... she's my sis... still my under my care and concern

i duno how to give her the care and concern liao lah.. i care for her she thinks we're fan... dun care her den she juz keep running out (master say she kena those and makes her keep staying away frm home) i duno how... haix... i already so super long nvr say her le loh... give in to her, everything she ask for, she would get it with some patience...

now i say her... she locked herself in her room... den my mum start to say me when i duno wth happened!

haix... my stress oso keep building up lately... personal, family, camp, competition... muz think of someway to release all these...

tml competition... though i dun have much confidence... but i'll do my best... seeing 20 psn competing in front of me is seriously 1st time for me... duno how stress will it be?... die... hoping to get support... jiayou ah!!! wo hui de!!!:)

人生就是有走走跌跌，伤心时，就敞开痛哭，快乐时，就开怀大笑。
快乐，就是要有悲伤来显出真我。
悲伤则是存在来衬托快乐。
有了快乐，就会有悲伤。在悲伤过后，就会是快乐。
在跌倒，哭完后就请记得爬起来，继续往前走。
因为快乐，就在前头。

...it's autumn time, 8:17 PM

i duno wat can i say now... but pls pls pls... take care of urself k?....

...it's autumn time, 12:52 AM

i have alot to tell u too... im waiting...

...it's autumn time, 4:37 AM

seeing you so stressed up and vexed... im really sad... i regret telling you tt day making you in tis situation now....

宁愿我伤心也不要你难过

im blogging tis in advance... saving it as draft...
the 1st thing i came back home, was to read ur blog... i noe that u're stressed le... and i really regretted when i saw ur tag... it really pains my heart to get u landed like tis...

when i got to noe frm xian tt ive irritated u and made u disliked me alot now... u wouldnt noe how much i felt... in fact... i think i noe why jul hates me so much now... if im not wrong... u're going thru wat she gone thru last time... it's only now den i realise it.... im too slow to realise tis only now....

recently, things tt ive prayed for didnt come the way i want... they turned out the opposite... now im praying for us to reconcile... will it turn out the way i prayed for?... im really trying hard...

history is going to happen again?... im sorry, really sorry tt ive hurt u in anyway when i began with promising i'll not... i guess im juz not suit for it... if tis time it fails again... im shutting myself... it's not ur fault... it's juz myself who duno how to handle relationship...

may you find ur happiness... and may we still be friends... *dun let us be another jul and weng ok?...

~8th august...

...it's autumn time, 3:59 PM

我只是想让你有种安全感，让你有人靠，看来我是做错了，特错。

没想到让你感到不舒服，很抱歉。或许我没有站在你的立场上想吧。不过看着你摇摇晃晃的，我也不忍。。。

或许我太过躁急了吧。

...it's autumn time, 8:20 PM

today went out for firewrk display... lunch miss it... going to eat lunner:p

hm... so went to bras basar to find some stuffs.. but i cant find it!!!! haix... asked help frm my friend liao... hopefully i can get some gd news from him...:p

den coz i cant find my stuffs, im free earlier den i thot... and waited an hr+ b4 i meet xian and went to ikea... okie... not bad, at least we got wat we wanted...:p after tt we meet alex... wah!... he quite gau tu leh... we called him le, den after tt me and xian slowly walk to the 7-11 opp... den we find no drinks, so we went cold storage instead... den we slowly shop and look at chocolates:p hahhaa... finally buying wat we want... hm... like tt at leas 30mins gone? ahha

den we go up wait for bus, go mrt den stand there talked abot future studies etc... hm... we talked quite long lah ah... den alex sent a sms... wth... he juz boarded the cck train??!! lol...

hm... after tt we went to eat our dinner at asian kitchen... hm... okie lah... not bad:) but can be better:p lol.... oh yah... think something wrong wif me... today kena diarrhea again-_- and recently for the past 3 weeks, including today, ive been hit 5x blank out... xian say coz i not enuff slp or nvr eat... hm... will monitor myself see how... if still carries on den i'll go check up... but hopefully like xian say like tt... den nthing much to worry oso...

firewrk!!!! actually abit excited leh... haha... duno why, coz 1 yr nvr see firewrks le? lol... hm... the show not bad, got new type! haha... but overall... hm... cant get me excited ba:p haha... our position not bad liao:p hm... maybe the sky not gd enuff? lol... mai hiam buay pai:p....

actually... u enjoyed the show?... hm... i enjoyed ba:) but i enjoyed more having ur company:) next time u wun come for such shows again? haha... maybe next time come muz get the one we can sit down and watch 1:p....

anyway if got next time we dun leave so fast ba... wait till the crowd leave le den go... like tt u all oso wun feel so giddy etc:)...

forgive my 任性 sometimes? haha... coz i noe next week i wun be able to see u much all the way till competition le... so wanted to spend more time wif ya...:p... but anyway, jiayou for ya proj:) tml finish den ok le!.. left wif 2 more papers to go:) jiayou ah! hope uve enjoyed ur day wif me today.... :)

"Planet Mars will be the brightest in the sky starting August. It will be as large as the full moon to the naked eye. This will cultimate on Aug 27 when Mars comes within 34.65M miles of earth.
Be sure to watch the sky on Aug. 27 12:30 am.
It will look like the earth has 2 moons.
The next time Mars may come this close is in 2287."

remembered receiving tis... u cant go watch it tt day coz it's 1230am:p hahha... but guess wat? i got duty tt day:p lol.... maybe we'll watch it from our own place...:p but we're still sharing the same sky... looking at the same stars:)... but provided u haven sleep at tt time:p lol

...it's autumn time, 2:01 AM

wah... tis week lots of things happening loh.... but like most are unhappy1s? maybe 1 or 2 is good...

Mon, training as usual, eugene coach not there tt day, den we have to do full routine... buangz... no stamina. now i considering whether i shd shorten my routine anot.

tue... hm... nthing to say, v sianz in camp

wed... is it today my ippt test? think so... got a gold:) heng ah, i dun wana get a full marks silver again... coz really, haha, i hate running:p i passed tis time wif 2 seconds:p same as last yr, vomitted:p, like last yr too:p haha, proved something, my real standard is not gold:p tt's why pushed myself till vomit:p lol... 2times, told oc i die die will pass, soc and get a gold:p yeah:p did it... now can say no more to SOC and IPPT:p

sorry xian, cant help u much tt day after i got the call.... abit fan(2), so mind oso cant think... but now everything okie le rite?:) glad for u:)

Thu...-_-" shouting and scolding here and there when im slping... shit... 1psn's action results in so much trouble.... he said b4 he wanted conflict in us and yes he did it... dun understand why they cant sit down and talk calmy... but anyway, haha, i think i oso cant tis time... so i chose to shut up b4 fire builds up in me... sometimes i feel tt there's nthing wrong wif him.... but he very extra sometimes... haix... nvm... juz praying hard there'll be no more stunts from anyone till i ORD...

Fri... after the 14km run, go back camp le den go straight to wushu liao... ankle abit hurt... but still okie:p my wai bai lian sux... duno why now cant do liao.. muz train it back... last time coz of tis yingzua den i train hard in the wai bai, den gd liao... den now gone again-_-" biangz...

thx for ur care and concern abot me:) im so glad:) anyway u oso take care ok? dun overdo/overwrk...
the next few weeks would be tough for you, exams, competiion, camp etc etc... dent hings juz struck u at the wrong time... be strong ok? i'll be wif u, being ur pillar, supporting u throughout tis "stressful period". u need not show appreciation... coz i can feel it? im satisfied with things tt are now... u did share wif me, u allowed me being wif u, u did "risked" for me, ur care and concern etc etc.... all the small little things.... i can see... i can feel it

i noe u need time, especially when i noe the wrkload u have, in a business sch, and other commitments.... time is wat u need, and tt is wat i'll be waiting.... hope u can get over it soon.... the rest of wat i wanted to say is within the 3 full sms i sent ya... u said u'll give a thot abot it, but do it after ur exams? :)

meanwhile, u'll noe tt wherever, whenever, watever, i'll be there for you, with you...

...it's autumn time, 1:44 AM

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