Everyday is a sunny day!

Although the mind is always logically thinking that yupz... she wun like me... and logical sense tells me that this goes on will not result in anything well... or rather any results at all...

but all in all.. I really do like her... lol... kinda stupid even though im 25 and yes im behaving like a kid-_-"
think it's really a 心结. needs to be solved by myself, with a heart medicine hopefully...

for now, i juz wana see her happy... let her be happy... make her happy... even though i know i cant really speak to her... or rather... i duno how to speak to her...

It's abit quite 烦 when sometimes i cant cross my own borders and limits... arghz...

hahhaa.... anyway... all feelings is what was during then... i really wish can go closer to her like b4... lol... but rational will take over...

hope my care and concern for her will suffice, my small details for her would suffice everything that i hoped for...

...it's autumn time, 4:36 AM

我很想很想很想要！

...it's autumn time, 4:14 AM

some tasks are easy, some tasks are hard... but it all boils down to a single thing... it's a decision to be made

后天的结果不是明天的努力，是今天的抉择

adrenaline finally calming down... now the mind is much more clearer=)

...it's autumn time, 2:33 AM

Issit called adrenaline?

Well, there is this extra excitement that's pumping in my body now... though i know it's not going to be any much meaning going out but den again... I'll juz feel so excited and fun=p hahaha...

oh no... going to be a slpless nite again=p lol... too excited=p

...it's autumn time, 12:50 AM

So attractive =p

...it's autumn time, 4:28 PM

It's been long since ive saw her online...

And the feeling i had was quite out of the blue myself... i actually felt that i will give up this feeling of hanging on... coz finally i realised that even though these time i nvr talked to her, neither did i meet her or saw her... i actually fell in abit deeper...

Feelings says that ive fallen deeper and intuition says that if this continues I will die later...

As much as i wana give up this feeling, i dun wana give up too... coz of the first time when i told her before that i will never... I know i can continue doing this for as long as it gets... but i also know that she might get into trouble later on... well... emotions are mixed, decisions are too.

So this is gonna be the first time im gonna have the thot of giving up... wonder will this go on... but now...
im going back to researching=p hahhahaha...

...it's autumn time, 4:25 PM

WTH!!! ive juz went through the drafted posts again and the feelings all went out...

it's really not good to indulge in memories too much... gotta move on

...it's autumn time, 2:38 AM

ahaha... when im blogging it's always the moments when im feeling more emotive rite?
it's really kinda wierd always blogging to something, talking to someone and dun even know who's really gonna read this but well... here goes nthing for my emo post=p

these 2 days wasnt productive for me=p maybe coz finally im missing someone... and i dun feel like doing my assignments... talked to loreen and today she wasnt the usual bickering her... instead today she goes with my feeling... haha... wierd...

Anyway i dragged myself out in the end... trying to get some energy here and there when i went to take my shooting equipment at studio... finally i dropped by TBP coffee's bean to take my break... waiting for yanwei... and slowly getting energy back into working...

the rest of the day with yanwei was really cool... we simply juz talked... not even plans... juz chatting abot his younger days... my probs... slowly 'sucking' energy from him=p hahahha... through the whole night of chatting... i realise...nono.. is re-appreciating how smooth my life was and how grateful i am...

the biggest thing that happened in my life was maybe my failure in english during Os, my attached and my break up... 25 yrs and that's my ups and downs... my life is damn good!

At the same time... i do felt abit sorry for myself, not being able to give back to my parents... i know i will be able... juz that matter of time... but not being able to make it early, let them enjoy even a mth earlier, a year earlier, feels like im not doing my best at all...

den when i went home wanting to invite my friends to celebrate my tis year's bday... since so many yrs le... and always complain no time... might as well set 1 day and give tt time to my friends... and i was abit pekcek when the grp will want to see who's coming 1st... tt really sadden me... i mean issit my bday tt you'll be celebrating or issit juz another event that's on the calendar...

kind of disappointing... and i think im quite sacarstic after tt... juz lousy control of eq...

come to think of it with what yu zhe lao shi told me the other day... sometimes friends juz dun understand coz they are not seeing what we're seeing... but did we put ourselves in their shoes as well?
its juz like im scheduling a weekend out of the bz schedule. weekend so hopefully more friends can gather that day... so that im finally having a day with them... but wat they might see is not this... they wun be able to see my bz schedule, neither will they understand my wish to meet them on this day to gather... but well... it's my fault for not seeing in their shoes again when i start my sacarstic remarks...

Time is always able to be taken out here and there... im busy... but doesnt means i do not have time...
i have the time to meet you... but that doesnt means you will wana meet me instead of a group...
If you cant get that meeting as a group is a rare chance.... you might not even able to meet me anymore le...

sometimes in life... ure juz feeling under appreciated... but simple... am i apprieciating myself 1st? den you'll know how much you worth urself...

i know im only worth that much... that much more is the space i need to work on for my parents... there is alot of time i have for myself... but not for my parents... but how many friends will be able to see this point of me being busy? of me working hard? and how many will be able to give you that helping hand, hearing ears when you need it as well?

im glad my cousin and cousin in law was there these few mths when i need it as well...

december... it's another bday mth... what makes it different is that this bday isnt only abot me anymore... its' abot everyone else around me...

oh yah... after dragging so long... i finally remember wat i wana write abot=p lol... 付出越多，伤害越大... tt's wat my ex wrote today... kinda wierd feeling when i saw it... duno wat happened to her today... but im not in a position to ask as well... though im hurt before but well... i will still do it again... coz it's not about getting hurt in the end or not... but about you willing to give or not in the beginning... ahha... doesnt make sense?=p lol... well... juz hope that she wun get hurt... somehow i dun like his bf frm da v beginning=p LOL... such a loser >> i mean me=p lol

...it's autumn time, 1:43 AM

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