Everyday is a sunny day!

近期要学会拒绝承受不属于你的压力，不要将所有的责任放在身上，有烦恼要说出。

...it's autumn time, 10:18 PM

Sp Wushu chalet 08... had ended...

though i say is wushu chalet... but those present are the alumnis only-_-"

maybe a blessing in disguise for me?... so i got some time for me, myself and i=p

Anyway...

The chalet like passed super fast for me... i duno why... but it feels super fast...

fri we went to bedok to buy the food and those stuffs tt need to be prepared in advance... in the end all ppl late... so i was wif yongxiong 1st... went for dinner and den jiao and shirong came to help.

Well... it all got so late when they come and it's like i almost finished preparing the stuffs liao... but of coz wif the help of others lah... den we went to play mahjong... den bu zhi bu jue e next day come liao...

hm... felt very very different when i was playing mahjong... very uneasy actually... den i kept wondering and wondering... den i realised... yes... my hp nvr rang... it nvr rang throughout the whole game... yet i kept looking at it and as if it'll ring the next moment like tt...

it used to be the time we're msging till she slps... but well... times has changed...

played till mrning den i rushed back to office take camera, coz was actually thinking of shooting for the sunrise on sun mrning de...

kkx, so went back office, take the stuffs liao den left backt o bedok to buy the rest of the food stuffs (*** bedok to the city is really damn fast... it's like ding.... and yeah, i reached office liao... thru and fro i nvr took more den 1 hr i think... lol)

we went by lorry in the end... coz got alot of stuffs and ppl as well... went to the chalet check in to prepare the rest of the food stuffs... and den???? hahha.. nua nua nua nua nua... nua alot=p nua till i shag liao... lol... like tt we spent quite a few hrs slacking and getting the stuffs ready b4 finally ppl start coming in around 7 ba...

den we bbq-ed... hm... i gotta say im not the cut to be sitting/standing there to bbq anymore le... preparing the stuffs all in all is quite tiring liao... summore spwushu inside so many gd cooks! wait long long oso wun reach me ah... so i chosed to sit down and wait for the food to come=p yummy hahhaha...

alot of them came=) quite happy, i guessed they had a gd time ba... me?... hm... actually... i really duno wat i doing... im like quite blank... keep staring at nthing oso duno for wat... den juz keep walking around? hmm... come to think of it... i really duno wat i am doing oso leh-_-" the tv keep showing the F1 race which im so not interested in oso...

And b4 i realise... it's already 1am like tt already... which most of the food leftovers was packed and kept... ppl already left... and me? im like dead tired... Ailvera and leslie they all went to blading and i took my shower... in the mind tt i go to take a nap and wake up around 2am to do some of my assignment stuffs and den leave around 5 to punggol for the sunrise shoot...

and the next thing i noe? is i woke at 6am seeing the bright light outside the window...

SHIT!... overslpt-_-" haix... it's like the best day to shoot lah!!! coz the forecast says clear sky!! =( damn sad...=( but watever... i went back to slp in the end=p...

den woke again around 10? they went to eat their breakfast while it's my turn to skate already... lol... hm... this time... i thot of the alumni BBQ we had a yr ago... she wore my skates going around... and i brought her to gelare to eat icecream... on our way back to the pit, become i wear the skates and i even tried carrying her on my back!...

haha... kkx... juz thinking back... alot of things are really v happy memories for me... i wun be able to forget her at all...

so after blading for an hr, we turned back for our 'lunch' while leslie and ailvera left for their badminton session and hm...... i think the rest of us watched alot of dvds afterwards? shit... i duno wat im doing oso leh... i thot i was slping... but i think i nvr slp leh... lol... wat have i been doing?

oh well... around 4pm? they came back... den we watched movie and started our bbq... lesser ppl, but not necessary lesser fun? hm... this time is jul and samantha cook... haha... i kena headache liao... so kept lying down and disturbing jiao...=p nvr ate alot... coz im stil having quite a headache...

den mahjong abit den we left the chalet liao... i nvr stayed at chalet coz i thot i at least for 2 or 3 staying wif me ah... in the end gary went to yx'x place den like nobody staying laio... so i oso sianz... checked the weather forecast, tml going to be having a heavy rain, so i cant go shoot sunrise, so staying in the chalet makes it even more pointless... so i decided to leave anyway...

and here i am blogging this to u=)

haix... 3d2n... how come it passed so fast??? i haven had enuff of rest=(

...it's autumn time, 12:46 AM

今天的早晨是那么的热，我的心，却是异常的冷，异常的宁静。
我的世界，只有我，和一片的漆黑。
这个世界没有水，也没有沙。什么泪也哭干了。
燃起小火才发现挣扎后的伤痕。好痛。
寻找着，寻找着。。。我的心呢？

啊！什么东西那么刺？一片又一片的玻璃。能把它们接在一起吗?
那是我的心。原来我一直没把它拼起来过。
灯火越来越小了。黑暗包围着我了。我却冷静地等着，它吞噬我的那一刻。
玻璃反光的是我们在一起的回忆。
我很怕。
因为我失去了一切，这个世界的一切。只剩下我与回忆。

不行了。我不行了。

如果我有第二人格，请就在这时进入我躯体吧。

把爱锁起来，宣判我死吧。。。

...it's autumn time, 8:31 PM

The most heart wrenching thing abot being a wedding videographer, is that the couple you're shooting for is very happy, yet you'r enot... tt's the greatest irony... and u cant show it on ur face... you have to lock it tightly at the bottom of ur heart, not even letting a sip of sadness come out of ur expression...

I experienced it the other day... a very sudden intense of psetness came upon me... i almost allowed it to take control over me... All i could do was to qiang yan huan xiao...

I hated myself..

I had such a ridiculous nitemare the prev nite that kept me half sober thoughout my slp tt actually made me almost late for the wedding shoot... it's a v v v scary nitemare....

I dreamt of helping a friend preparing his wedding, alot of hardwrk... very tiring... but in the very ending of the dream... i realised i duno who's wedding im helping for... coz i realised the wedding im helping was her wedding!!!! i was shocked and dazed in my dream... xin niang jie hun... but the groom was not me??? but though i nvr dreamt of her nor her husband appearing... the whole dream is only abot me... doing lots of things... i only hear someone saying... tt it's her wedding...

felt so shitty... and i was really having shock in my dream tt i fainted... which den i woke in reality...

...it's autumn time, 12:33 PM

Half a semester has passed... wat have i achieved?

actually nthing... well... maybe yes... afew new found friends ba...

It has been tough for this 2mths...

I tried forgetting her but i noe i cant... so i tried hard to win her heart back... i may hurt myself, but it's better den me regretting and not moving on... im actually not afraid of getting myself hurt... coz wat's more den tt? was juz a few years of -ve feeling?

School was hard... things were new, assignments though were still within handling... but on the very last week... my mental broke down...

Ive lost my pillar who's able to support me when i nee d her... i missed her hugs, her encouragement... the very last day of sch i felt lost... very lost... i have so aimless and helpless and useless...

ive devoted my time not only in playing... mostly in resting and studying. ive find a day to wrk. i find myself sometime to be wif my friends as much as possible... i find myself some time to find her... coz i still need her presence to keep me going...

was i successful in the last 2 mths? seriously... the only successful part i thot was the bday gift that i gave her... the smile on her radiant face... and the peck on my cheek...

sch is nthing... as compared...

Physically and mentally, im not worn out yet... i noe i still can move on... but blindly?

next semester is a challenge... really a challenge...

ive decided to use my 2D and 4D project to portray myself... the side where i always hid frm strangers... only those who knows me better will noe... im opening myself to the unknown... hurting myself more? i duno...

next.... is .... finding a lock... tight 1...

i noe i love you... i really do...

...it's autumn time, 12:05 AM

im having a headache... yet im here writing this entry at this hour... coz today... i realised something... important...

Ystrday i was trying to do my literature essay... im really out of my wits... i cant think of anything to write and i really sux... im so frustrated coz i cnat get my hands starting to write on it... i keep moving around... get water... get things to eat, i juz couldnt sit down and write...

im so so so frustrated at myself and started getting headaches... and tt's the time i realised... i have no one to support and lean on... where's my pillar??? she's aslp at the wee hrs... i wished for her hugs, her support, her support for me... did i lost her as my pillar?... technically... yes... coz we've broke up... i cant forget her, coz i loved her... i couldnt get my answers to my literature... and so is my relationship... i wished that i could get a proper answer from her, not a i duno... so tt my heart can oso come to an end or revive it's beginning...

Im really frustrated, and lost... i hope tt today she was wif me when im chionging my wrk... like i always stayed wif her when she chiong her wrk... i need her... not only for myself... almost broke down today when im doing literature... damn sad... but im not sure wat im sad abot... literature? or her? i guess... both...

i hope tt i can be more patient... give her more time... since she said she'll think abot it... i noe you'll be reading this... but duno when... would you be able to give me a better answer like yes or no? a vague answer is juz not going to help...

i hope im not asking for alot... coz for a psn who loves you deeply... i think tt's the least im asking for?...

i missed you... alot...

...it's autumn time, 4:25 PM

Im so stressed out...

I hate literature=(

...it's autumn time, 4:25 PM

few more days....

...it's autumn time, 12:04 AM

im struck... by a passage...

dun take things for granted... cherish wat u have everyday, every min, every sec... dun waste ur time on getting angry, having cold wars, trying to be stubborn... coz u nvr noe wat you might lose in the next second...

if im gone... will u all remember me?

...it's autumn time, 12:13 AM

昨夜，我突然觉得我很笨，虽然我真的很笨，可是我不想像傻瓜一样被对待。

我不是在说我这样被对待。。。咳。。。我真的很傻。

可是，我还是会这样傻下去吧。。。

一夜的宁静。清彻不了内心的情绪。

我的存在不是理所当然。不要把我当成是理所当然的。。。

...it's autumn time, 6:59 PM

Eva?

Wall-E? Wall-E!!! HeHehe n-n

Eva...~~~~~~~~~

HeHehe n-n Wall-E!=)

I guess this movie is gd... it juz tells u abot their emotion... not words... i loved this show...

...it's autumn time, 8:51 PM

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