Everyday is a sunny day!

Recently... have been spending time doing on mundane stuffs... things tt wont help me gain my grades... things that are wasting my time away doing things unecessary instead of doing my assignments...

but it's those mundane stuffs that had actually given me more fun than usual... like it... love it...

Went to Zoo last week to have our art lesson... keep drawing and drawing=p fun, coz it's so free and easy=p... i really enjoy certain freedom i have now... as in the freedom away from academic...

Sunday nite, went to ice skating wif wushu peeps... den at nite go clubbing... still... i dun like clubbing... but i guess i really enjoyed when i went dancing with them... 6am was the time i went home... and few hrs was the slp b4 i turned back to sch to do halloween party props...

Tue was another early morning... few hrs slp, and even more havoc day... i actually went to nite safari... wif the gang who went together... i really had my time... cheered me alot=) lol... though it's freak ex... $32! actually come to think of it... im runnnign on -ve again... haha... clubbing... skating. safari??? wanted to take cab back to NTU to do the props 1... but in the end i reserved tt thot... coz cabfare is definetly 1 prob...

went to stay over at friend's place instead... 4hrs slp, and went to sch for another day... bzbzbz... we've went shopping at fareast to look for wat to wear for the party... seriously... i duno wat to wear at all... im juz following following.. after tt we seperated and went to catch a movie.. $$ again... stupid show... actually slpt at the beginning...

rushed to art friend to get my art material for my assignment... btu to my disappointment... they dun have it... my assignment has to be handed in next day-_-"

went back to sch for the party meeting and went home again, to wash up, eat dinner, at 12am midnite...

went back to sch after eating and started doing the props and my assignment again... today's slping record? 0hrs

Started to feel tired liao... stil got how many more weeks b4 i can restttttttt... but dun rest oso gd... can dun think so much... i think the only way for me to stop doing anything is the tiredness get me to stop... tonite no slp go party, tml mrning go ktv... nite go phuture, mrning got IPPT, sunday x-fire paintball... it's fully packed=) but i see nothing going to be done for my assignment=p

yupz... i cant grab hold of my life now... and i dun really intend to grab it anyway... life seems fine now... juz me myself and spending everyday... life will get back to me some time later... when i really felt so...

Emo today... for the word Friend... few days ago... i wasnt shocked at aunty's comment... but rather angry... duno why... juz felt so... i thot she changed... but maybe no... the one who might have changed is only me?... i think so... attitude i think ive changed for now le...

once jiao told me, that i treated her like grass... only when i need her den i go to her...

i think i can felt wat she's feeling already... coz i felt abit of being treated like rubbish...

well... it's all tiredness tt makes me thinks abot all these ba... duno why i felt like tt... but i felt like tt... only when he appears, i will be left alone... he disappears den she came looking for me...

lol... scandalous... but she's juz a friend...

Friend... wat's really the defination? who's really the one be called friends? if they are there... are they around me?

i think yes... but they dun have time for me now....

...it's autumn time, 12:39 PM

i guess i cant really have a break now...

juz after a few days of slpless nites... and finishing the essay and stuffs... the feeling of emo-ing came juz at tt time when i can rest... maybe im too tired tt's why felt like tt... but anyway... it wun be ez for the next few weeks either... there's alot of things to do tt makes me wonder can i do a gd job out of it...

i wana play oso... but i think of my history and literature exams... cant help but to feel very wu nai...

at least im less stressed abot money prob now... im going to get my bursary to pay off my sch fees... quite a big load getting off the shoulders... but i still hope tt i can get some gd massage... lol!~

tml is going to be a bz day staring at 9am in sch, dne meet the rest of the gang to go skating at 5, den dinner b4 clubbing... i wonder wat will i do again over there.... will i be drinking??? =p wonder wonder... if i drink... i think i might be the next shuqing=p

...it's autumn time, 11:55 PM

http://www.threadless.com/

anyone wana order shirts frm threadless? im going to order ah... so if u wan den tell me, can save on the shipping cost

...it's autumn time, 1:43 AM

533am... im still doing my literature essay... stressed

but at least ive got a gd advice frm my friend... and now... at the very least, ive got more confidence in writing this bloody essay

im sooooooo not going to take another writing module for my elective lah...

...it's autumn time, 5:32 AM

3am... doing my assignment... not going to slp... muz muz muz do out all the 3 things ive set to do tonite...

b4 tt was halloween party meeting... whole day was scandalous... so many scandals in claz... -_-; but juz like i said... they're a havoc grp...

after meeting... went out drinking wif daniel and pravin... cant even finish a bottle of beer myself... but it's already enuff to make me feel bad on stomach... lol... lousy drinker...

Alcohol sux... but the companion rox... laughed alot...

i guess... my stress has juz sort of released by half...

exams and projects all due in a mth time...

bills are still outstanding...

haix... seems like stress dun go away itself rite? lol...

tired... i wan some massage... wan some hugs... i guess i gotta find bu qiu ren liao=p

...it's autumn time, 3:12 AM

从前有一则讯息，我收了4年，因为换了sim卡，它才消失。
今日我有很多则讯息，不知何时何日，它们才会从手机里消失呢？

Felt very suay since break up... some people says tt it's me who linked them up myself... yah... maybe... coz when u're not alone, all the bad things will seem to lead to something gd... but when u're alone... one bad thing will link to the worst.

Friend's situation haven been well tt time, having friends breaking up, i spoiled my boss's camera (attachment), i went home 1 day only to find out tt my dad's aquarum leaked and all my art material is gone for they totally soaked, my art sketch book which i need to hand in oso totally soaked... my notebook and my fave reading book all oso chui... i went for a shoot and i spoiled the couple's parent's 30yrs old make up table, i went back office to do editing and i almost spoiled their swivel chair...

well... in the midst of the suayness im clouded in... some happy things finally happened... got a friend juz got attached... jiao's father oso woke le...

but den? suayness came back? clazmate had a fall today, i think it's not very serious... but den the doc say ligament pop... tml she's going to see specialist...

haix...

felt very unappreciated too ystrday... my sis was playing NDS at 12midnite... i say so late le still play ah? den she say she watching tv... den i say, keep playing and playing no need study ah? den she kbkb liao... talk back to me and shout at me say when she study WHERE THE HELL AM I? den she say KNN... FUCK! it's like wat the hell? always say i dun lend u this and that, den now ur fucking nds lend to ur friend and u took mine and i nvr complain u started to talk back at me like tt when ur fucking O level is 3 days away... u fuck say u studied and im not around when all the time when i returned home no matter morning noon or nite u're either on phone, computer or the freaking tv... u say i nvr see u study den put a claim den u give me a result to prove me wrong lah! den she talk back again, why shd she prove?

-_-" i really dun wana care abot her le lah... let her die on her own... next time when need help den come find me... shit her... as if her future got anything to do wif me like tt when she cant even care for herself... damn pissed off after tt... den the next day felt like everyone trying to piss me off like tt...

den now my mum wans me to help her ask my boss see they hiring part timer anot... coz mac really very low pay... i very sianz... coz i myself cant even trust her now... asking my boss to employ her is really putting my reputation at stake lah!... but anyway... shit... i still have to do it... haix... sec 5 liao... does younger siblings always dun think ahead of time coz they're so well protected or wat?-_-'

chilll chilll chilllllllll ....

class? as havoc as it begins....

Purple Tuesday

White Wednesday

Red Thursday

...it's autumn time, 1:13 AM

omg... sudden intense of money no enuff

juz realised tt i nvr pay my sch bills! coz i messed up the dates or watever...

so now im in such a big big debt!

wif a $350 pay plus $50 i have now... i have to pay off these bills:

$100: handphone
$200: CPF and insurance
$50: Robert
$442: Sch fee

wah lau eh!!!!!!

not forgetting next mth got new bills on returning loans... arghz... shit... where have all my savings gone? lol... damn sch...

...it's autumn time, 7:59 PM

Not in a very happy mood today...

coz i noe my assignment nvr reach the standard tt i shd be reaching... but i duno... i cant pull myself to wrk... ARGHZ!!!!!!!!

It got even worse when i noe tt my room is flooded wif water, and all my art materials and wrks is like, WET!=(

most of the drawing blocks are okie... can dry them... but den not nice to use liao... wat heart pains me is my NOTES! and my SKETCH BOOK! =( sobz... im so not going to redraw my sketch book lah... damn tedious.... haix... i oso duno how now... maybe try to change the cover myself...

my purple Prints notebook is totally gone... the words can see but cant use liao... hard cover become like jotter book like tt... soft soft... heng tt time she nvr design my notebook... if not i now sure very xim tia...

den 1 of my chinese reading book oso gone=( i haven read finish 1 leh... sobz...

haix... nthing has been gd for me ever since da break up... i noe u all gonna give me tt -_-" look liao... i noe ive been zhuan niu jiao jian... but i guess it'll be going on for some time ba...

Seriously i think there's something abot the stars.. they really makes ppl break up and seperate at certain period of time... so many ppl... it's like a trend... and why the suay thing for me is... machiam all kena ditched...

I look at qinhao... he looks as if he's okie on the whole... but i duno did anyone felt, he's like the most not okie among us... i felt there's something he's not saying out and keeping very hard inside him... tt's how i feel when he's wif us these few days... he's trying to suppress very hard... harder den me... coz i show myself emo... but he doesnt seems to... he got himself drunk in the world of liquor, smoke and wrk...

im not worried abot him overall... coz he's so much stronger den me...

everything has been moving... time has passed... and yet, im the only one standing on the same spot... she had a new guy... leading her new life... and me... i thot i did make a few step... bit by bit... but sometimes... it felt like some force teleported me back to the beginning again...

i think i still cant accept the fact tt she had a new guy so fast ba...

everything in the mind is following the heart... but time shall heal me... not soon... but it will... coz i noe time will juz keep moving... no matter my mind is still at the same point anot... coz ive already moved in time...

i dun ask for much... i dun ask for myself to forgive her... or forget her... im juz asking for myself to move on... 4 mths is going to pass... and it'll go on for a yr... 2 yr... or watever...

room flooded
damn low
she moved on... me?
qinhao

...it's autumn time, 12:16 AM

Birthday coming in 2 months time...

Im not looking forward, neither am i expecting anything...

I look forward before... i thot i might be surprised... but seems... no... the truth has already made tt bubble burst...

Time is going fast, and yet slow... too fast for my assignments... too slow for my heart to heal... im abit of dreading this coming bday... i duno why... coz im getting older?

Time will heal me... definitely it will... it's juz a matter of time in the end...

This bday... how am i going to pass... i wonder...

...it's autumn time, 7:01 PM

after a few weeks of trying hard to forget her...

it's juz a matter of seconds when she appears in front of me, talking in her sweet voice... nostalgia... all the things i missed abot her came and my body felt a sudden gush of feeling... loneliness... i guess... felt uncomfortable... coz i used to have her comfort...

Felt like my efforts was lost...

haix... gotta start frm square one again...

...it's autumn time, 2:00 AM

i guess ive nvr blogged abot my class?

it's a v fun claz ba... juz tt sometimes i cant blend into them well...

7weeks of class le? too much thing to post if im gonna start frm week 1... so... haha..

this is wat happened this week...

Patapon craze... im in one of them... any guesses?

...it's autumn time, 12:34 AM

Lots of things happened in a week... too much

Be it sad or happy occasions... be it stressful or dramatic...

It's too much for a week...

Suddenly i felt...

Maybe in this life... i really have no regrets anymore... wat i wanted to have... i had... ive cherished.. really treasured...

for now... i treasures even more... but it's not abot me anymore...

have been busy for my friends... im worried, im excited... it's a mixed feeling... but im going out to them... den i realised... juz... that ive actually forgot myself... im not doing anything for me... or would someone do something for me? would someone be going out for me?...

i noe there'll be... but it's not the time they think it is...

i felt the tiredness of a day now... very tired... i felt the heavy drowsy feeling... i felt the weight...

but i wun be stopping here... i have no time to stop... and stopping... i guess it'll be worse for me...

im going to wrk hard... i wana go out for a trip... somewhere far... somewhere i thot tt i wana go... disneyland?

im slowly letting go le... i can feel it... it's a forceful 1... coz i noe... if i dun... my love might become hate... i dun wan tt to happen... slowly slowly... sometimes i juz wana rant it out... so tt i'll feel better... sometimes i juz wana lose control, so tt i wun be so stressed up... sometimes... i felt tt i shd ignore her...

i juz hope tt... in her... she wun forget me... coz i noe, i will nvr forget her...

...it's autumn time, 12:15 AM

Alot of things happened recently... too dramatic... too stressful... too tired...

Was on the train juz now... the last sms i noe was tt she went out wif her bf...

den i dun wana sms liao... i went to slp... to tired... but i cant stop the feeling tt went inside my heart... i really hate it... i hate it when i noe that she's going out wif tt guy... coz, i might nvr say it frm my mouth... but my heart did felt tt she cheated me...

the 1 hr ride home is abit scary for me... i got shocked and woke up 5 to 6 times... it's like really trying to play my heart like tt... damn scared... as in heart pumps v fast like tt... finally reach boonlay liao den wait for the bus den i the heart nvr stop beating faster...

It's only when i reached home den i felt better...

There's alot of things in life tt cant be predicted... cherish watever u have now... dun lie to urself or others... u might nvr have a chance to explain anymore...

...it's autumn time, 10:31 PM

Today, it's a tuesday... It's a very dramatic day...

Have been trying to chiong assignments on the past few days tt i haven got my slp well...

All the timelapse for the sunrise has cost a bomb for me... every trip there is liek $30+ =(

but anyway.. ive finally got it done and presented today liao...

After a whole nite of editing and chionging... i finally concussed at 5am... at 1st wana wake at 6am... coz my friend need to print something using my acc... in the end i woke at 830!!!

shocked and abit traumatised... quickly apologise den bath le den chiong cab down...

prepared my stuffs took qutie abit of time... and im actually quite frantic... coz im so stressed up recently... with the assignments... and HISTORY tutorial presentation...

The presentation goes quite well for everyone... den mine... i got it cocked up alittle.. it didnt play at 1st! was quite kan chiong... but later chilled myself down... haha.. kanchiong is coz this wrk really spent alot of effort... i dun need to score, but at least... i wana see the thing wrk and see the result of the video...

so they've skipped my and came back later... yeah... this time it works... was so glad this 4D project finally ended... i think it's pretty nice for the timelapse... but den the other side doesnt looks as pro liao=p hahaha... but still... i got quite afew gd comments abot it... and im so happy=) coz it's the timelapse tt's the main video=p

after den skipped my history lecture to do my tutorial... damn shagged and stressed... we're so stressed up tt we really duno wat to do.. this time it's a individual marking, double the stressload... for my part... i got alot to research for but 1 is i started really late... and 2 there's really alot of things to search for...

so in the end... we presented wif a very chui powerpoint slides... and i presented mine... skipping the main points tt i shd be touching-_-" i noe im so gonna screw up this time... but i dun feel very hurt...

maybe really too tired le... ive already miscount how many nitez i nvr slpt well le... really too many... but im still wrking... why? why am i not falling yet?=p

anyway after the tutorial... went home, by bus... alighted and walked towards pioneer mall...

the most dramatic part today tt happened is tt i actually caught a thief... as in yes, i pinned him down-_-"

was walking wif my cameras and stuffs wif me and suddenly i heard very loud break and horn... dne i looked at the junction... wondering wat's happening... den the next moment got someone shouted HELP! and someone shouted STOP HIM!

Running towards me is a malay guy larger size den me, * of coz,... anyhow pick 1 psn oso bigger den me... but anyway... yah.. he came running my direction... i duno wat am i thinking or how did i do it... i think i juz left my camera bag there, took out the other 2 bags strapped on me and left on the floor b4 tackling tt guy.

think tt guy is stupid or wat... he came running towards my direction.. i think i juz swing my arms across and grab him and tried to make him fall... i think wushu really helps... coz i duno wat i do... i managed to grab and swing him down... den i pinned him liao-_-" think i machiam like monkey clinged on him...

den those other adults came liao... -_-: other adults... say till like im not an adult like tt...

anyway i suffered from afew scratched on my arms and legs, coz the thief was at the carpark area, the ground very rough... after other ppl come liao and helped... i left...

coz it's like so many ppl... got 1 extra me. dun have me... doesnt makes any difference... so after confirming they got him down le, i took my bag... and i left...

dramatic... caught a theif... got 'injured' and left quietly... tt's so me... dun ask me why i nvr stay, coz it's so not necessary... im not expecting any1 will give me any medal or wat... so i juz leave... summroe i think there's this chinese guy who came 2nd like to action action... keep ordering ppl to do this and tt... den keep making the theif cant move and shout at him... i duno wat's tt for...

i mean the whole process till i go home i nvr even say 1 word-_-"

yah... it's a dramatic day... on the way home den i realised... if the theive is holding any knife... i shd be in hospital by now...

...it's autumn time, 9:19 PM

The reasons for breaking up seems so clear when it first begun...

As time goes by, as thoughts put in, the reasons starts to fade,

Reasons dun seems to be like reasons anymore...

Reasons seems to be like excuse...

...it's autumn time, 1:12 AM

my sis went to mac juz now and saw her...

i say who?

my sis friend replied: 'Ur wife'

...

i duno how to reply...

juz walked back home...

...it's autumn time, 3:09 PM

It has been a stressful week and it’ll be worser this coming week… simply due to the amt of wrk tt im going to have… it’s damn xiong…

I had a very irritable last week… very… felt like everyone is taking things for granted and im so irritated and pissed off… maybe might be due to my grouchiness too…

Last week there’s 2 classes tt’s rescheduled and no one went to confirm the details or wat… and it’s like nobody really cares when the start of the week I already tried to ask who noes abot the details… seriously like nobody cares… ok, other den a few…

No one went to confirm… den actual day? They expected something to work out… in the end? We waited blindly at the claz for 1.5hrs b4 knowing that nopez, there’s no class… I duno lah… I felt very irritated v easily…

Today im doing my sunrise shoot at punggol… disappointed… NO SUN! coz cloud cover v high… I sianz liao… coz it’s like I need the sun in the video lah! =( so sad… haix… im not going to fail the project though… but it’s not impressive anymore=(

Ive brought along my work charm… ever since we broke up… my work charm dun seems to work anymore… xin li zuo sui? Maybe… but when I received the gift… I believed that it’s wif heart and soul being wif me… now… both is at another place already… they dun belong to me.. neither do they exist in the charm anymore… they left me…

I felt v helpless… being at the r/s or study…

I cant get the help I need for my assignments…

Next week is like hell week… either I make it, or I die…

History is damn tough doing alone…

So helpless… yet I can do nthing much…

...it's autumn time, 10:18 PM

my heart hurts... but i cant cry out

i felt im cheated but im not...

i still loves her... but after so many things happened... i noe we cant be together anymore

coz i noe... i have no more confidence in myself to believe...

i can feel tt my heart is now locked... and the door is sealed... coz i myself cant find the way in too... im so emotionally blocked tt i duno wat to do either... maybe tt's why im so grouchy...

i hate myself...

...it's autumn time, 12:45 AM

as the tears roll,
we realise this familiar place where we stand
we were here all along,
many a time.

now, the hurt will pour

when i don't feel your presence
it feels like i'm drowning in eternity
going on forever, that's when i miss you.

every night, there's a part of me that hopes reality is just a lie,
but everyday when i wake, my heart continues to break.

my world is falling apart at the seams.
my screams seem to echo around me, through the hollow walls.

do you hear me?

the imprints that you have left on my heart.
they are etched, ever so deeply, ever so carefully,
making known each cut, each slash, left something deep

but yet those words help me heal. knowing you are near
very near
very close to me.

you murdered my heart, raped my soul
you stole my smiles, robbed my laughter.

my eyes are now dried, they protest no more,
every single night that comes creeping in, brings a long painful and tormenting fight.
when morning comes, as the rays shine down on me, and put the smile back on my face, i know it won't last forever. Coz forever left through the door with you.

but that doesn't stop me from wishing.

thoughts were knocking on my door,
forcing sleep to leave my eyes,
thoughts of you, desperately refused to give birth to floating hopes,
where I may conjure your presence.

the sky was crying with me, every drop make me feel anew,
yet, those heavenly drops, couldn't quench that thirst that haunts me every day, every moment.

when it was time, as shadows disappeared,
gleams of dawn challenged the horizon,
as they showed themselves and lightened the road they embraced and caressed,
they were searching for even the slightest trace of you.
then only did i come to realise,
I wasn't missing you,
the world was too.

~Xandra

...it's autumn time, 2:07 PM

Ystrday we went ktv instead of prawning. due to the heavy rain......

Had lots of fun? i guess i had fun, but not lots of it... all coz of shuqing she got really really drunk. lol.... the Shu Nv image she had in us all destroyed in 1 nite=p haha... go around asking who we are... keep pointing at us and say who we are proving she's not drunk... but later... she really cant recognise liao. lol!

i had a gd time... maybe shouting at the top of my voice for some songs... i heard my voice singing louder den others... finally... can hear myself sing... some slow songs for me to refresh some memories... but tt boulder in my heart didnt moved a single bit at all. It's still there blocking my breathing.

I didnt drank. coz i wanted to shoot sunrise the next day. i wanted to... but i couldnt.

I saw her getting drunk... it's really dangerous for her to go out drinking on her own... pls pls pls... those girls who noe u cant drink... pls drink to ur limit... dun be like her... u nvr noe wat could happen... not even wif friends... i mean as long as got guys... u nvr noe wat might happen next... juz dun get urself drunk... okie?

I guess we had asomehow a hard time getting her back, coz its still raining den... i cant go home either coz the cab is full, so i went back wif bin as the original plan... it's still raining, i wanted to feel emo... but tt boulder is too hard to even move... i felt my emotion is totally blocked by it... i really y cant feel wat i wana feel... really abit xin ku and nan shou...

This boulder inside... maybe even her hugs will not be a cure this time...

...it's autumn time, 12:03 PM

开学的第一天，不祥。

我睡过头。超过头。迟了两个小时。

夜晚我翻来覆去，睡不着。手却一直在疼，那天留下来的伤只有在夜里才作祟。那痛，好奇怪，不会痛到心里，却到脑里，刺激的是那天的记忆。

痛？不会。
哭？干了。

心还感到什么吗？不知道，只是觉得它很麻，很僵硬。什么感觉也没了。心也不会为什么而动了。看到她，我会心动，心痛吗？我想不会了，我真的什么也没感觉了。想哭，心却僵得一滴眼泪也逼不出。

想痛，想哭，却办不到，是该高兴吗？

其实，我还是很辛苦。胸口很闷，因为真的感觉心的硬化。我能说它是‘铁石心肠’了。心中张了个巨石。

Recently, suddenly I felt tt ive turned very grouchy… haix…

...it's autumn time, 11:59 AM

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