Everyday is a sunny day!

After today's training... i really realised how tired and lack of rest i am now...

took so much energy to even make 1 move... den suddenly wan ailvera to jump... den muz demo 1st to let her be more confident... but the 1 no confident is me totally... actually i think i heng liao... coz i thot my 1st try will land on my head den will kena neck injury... but still i made it to turn more and landed on the back... or something like tt...

i didnt hurt my neck... but i think my shoulder is... coz someone elbowed me afew times-_-" den everytime the same point, meaning everytime do wrongly=p summore the psn not very light wor!~ lol... kkx... nthing big deal actually... juz feeling very tired... wanted some rest yet rest doesnt come even come close...

foresee this week i'll get sick... most prob fever and cough... coz tml is the start of the orientation camp... 4d 4n (last nite i not joining, i go training) den sat got wedding shoot, sun meeting to celebrate amanda's bday, den mon training and den the whole process of busy will start again...

ive really packed my time till full full liao... think wun be resting at all... -_-"

haix....

juz dun let me be too sick... coz this time nobody to take care of me liao...

...it's autumn time, 12:40 AM

it's 1 year... 1 mth... marks the day... my heart is dead...

pronounced... locked... coffined... 6 feet below... dun ask me to open... unless u go dig it...

...it's autumn time, 1:31 AM

on the note, on the happy side,

cheng kai is borned=)

Love of robert & patricia

im so excited abot the newborn, i think ive really grown to love babies quite alot=p

excited=) 1st newborn frm my friends=)

he's very handsome, wif very stylish hair. though im not her god father, and oso, i dun think i'll be close to him either, but i really likes to seeing babies=p

he'll be a handsome guy next time, dun break too many hearts ah boy boy=p

...it's autumn time, 1:01 AM

i think i really need to say out... and not keep to myself anymore...

i really cant think that im living well and great when im really not living well at all... i cant make myself being great when im absolutely down. i cant act as if nthing happened and i cant make it feel tt im really happy... coz for the past 2 weeks... im not living miserably... but i noe... im not living happy...

it hurts when someone mentioned on the places we go... it hurts when i walked past the place, but tt's not her standing by my side... it feels bad when the sms i sent out wasnt getting any replies... it hurts even more when it was ignored...

i have no aim no nthing... im left with nthing... yah i understand i have friends... but aside tt... coz they're 2 different paths... im juz not myself... even if it is... i felt tt im alone... no... lonely... no... i juz felt tt im being thrown 1 side...

when im wrking... i had more hrs trying to rest den wrking... i tried giving myself breaks so that i can concentrate better, but it seems the concentration doesnt last... when i see the couples im editing with...i had to endure the pain that the fact my love left me... when i go shoot for their weddings i had to pretend nthing happened to me and i gotta move on... and worse they went to places tt we've went sometimes...

im someone who keeps grabbing onto the past... i believe that she haven change... neither do i... it juz that we are not looking at who're when we 1st begin... we tried picking bones... that's why i ended up like tis...

2days ago... i hate it when i do tt... i called her up... coz she nvr replied to me... i felt bad... as in dun feel gd... since she nvr ignore me at the 1st place... den pls dun ignore me!... and im very concerned abot her coz she dun release her stress... i thot i might get her talking, coz tt's why my friends did... force me to talk... but it felt better in the end... she told me that i dun think there's a need to tell u at all...

telling me... it's not a prick... not a cut... it's a stab... i got nthing to say anymore... it doesnt hurt me... it juz killed me... i left office early tt day... coz i noe i cannot make it anyway... and today she got angry over coz i got angry for nthign she said... ive been ignored and my smses were treated as if there's nthing happened! ive gotten very agitated... coz i still cared!!!!

but seriously... i noe im an ass... and i dun deny it... im seriously a nuisance and i think im giving myself a wrong hope... i finally see it... i told myself not to give any hope... but ive been giving tt thot all the while... wat i see now... i noe u all will think it's wrong... but tt's my view...

i see that she made the right choice... i see that i couldnt give her the happiness... coz she nvr learn to accept and i forced it upon her... why ppl nvr learn??? pls... love ur love 1 the way the wanted... not the way u wanted... pls understand her language...

i see the bond... that im grabbing on...

is she pulling it too? or maybe juz holding it? wat i thot everyday... in the mrning, i wished it that we can meet on train, talk and chat as per normal... have some laughs... juz like it used to be... i hope tt there's a chance, where we can meet up and have breakfast, where den i'll send her to sch... den i leave to office... im still grabbing on...

at nights i cant slp... coz simply i cant... when i fall into slp... i got those stupid wierd dreams... and woke me right up in the middle of the night... and i haven been slping well thoughout the weeks... my mind is still grabbing on...

when i noe that someone wana court her... jealousy flows... and it heat me up... even worse when i heard tt guy is married... i haven got the facts right... but i noe... if he really does... i'll really go up to him and smash him the face... coz i dun care whether u're right or not... if u fucking have a family, stay out of another! dun yi jiao ta liang chuan! neither do u try to go near another girl when u're attached! i super kan bu qi and anti those guys... including relative.... i believed strongly tt my friends are not doing this... coz if u're... u're really betraying me...

i think coz im so agitated with this issue... that i really lose it juz now... i got angered wif her over the smses... over the time she cant confirm... but at least let me noe when u free?? that was the thot... at least booked tt time and try to keep it free??? tt's wat u all do rite???? who dates u 1st that u try to keep tt day free frm other events???? wat's so hard abot it? by juz telling, okie, but i not sure tt day free anot yet.

her void deck... where i hold her in my arms... asking for her accompany, for me to take care of her... to the time where we'll meet each other near her place, even for a short hour. to the time, where meeting is minimal, where she wun even give me half an hr... to the time, at her place... she said she doesnt want to be wif me anymore...

am i really giving her stress? or did she not able to cope her own stress and blame it on to me? am i really asking for alot? all i wan is juz to meet her for tt half an hr... or am i not understanding her enuff? or she doesnt understand me enuff... did we tried? to me... yes, but not to the full... we've not tried hard enuff... she dun see our r/s as important as i do... coz the language we speak of love... is different...

but that doesnt mean we cant be together... we juz need to speak the correct language... i speak physical touch and gifts. i got so secured when she hugs and kisses me and the occasion of gifts once in awhile... she speaks quality time and acts of service... where i failed to show her more... i speaked only my language... that might be the reason of stress upon her... she tried... but not hard enuff... i tried... but i tried using the wrong path...

i haven cool my head down... went for supper... i totally lost my appetite... again... jzu drank to full cups of drinks, den later vomitted out... starting to have some sort of eating prob liao i guess... coz if im not wrong... for the past 3 days i only ate 1 meal...

jiao said that she can really see my oh bak kak liao... i shd have guessed so... everyday slping at 4, waking at 630... den sometimes when i can wrk later, i overslpt-_-"

aunty says that her peak was 52kg... i thot tt i'll nvr reached that point.

coz everyday since last week... i haven been eating much, yet im having diarrhea...

wth!-_-"

im not too weak to do anything... but i juz dun have any will to do anything... no motivation... no nthing...

i noe aunty u got the urge to scold me laio, same to jul...

i noe i really qian ma... and oso qian da...

i saw the bond im grabbing on... this time... it's not letting go... but i juz gotta cut my hands off in order to let go... i'll force myself to. coz i cant give her happiness... neither does she wana accept. if im someone who'll cause her misery... i rather cause it to my own.

dun tag, dun comment...

i juz need some place to release wat have been building in me...

silence me softly...

...it's autumn time, 12:29 AM

Wat's the feeling of being aimless... i think weibin have the exact feelings im having now...

both of us is so aimless in life now... though we noe where are we heading and what we shd be getting... but our engine juz couldnt start...

i think it's btwn the 2 of us... when either one of us could start the engine, the other will be able too...

and i guess... i'll be the one... to start the engine 1st... since i think i have more support in a way or another...

for the next few mths...

it'll be getting my mac book pro, going for driving lessons, saving up hard for a trip overseas... and getting my company wrking and registered

over the next 4 years... i'll be getting my 1st class degree... yesh.... im aiming for 1st class... but coz im not talented, i guess i'll end up wif a 2nd upper=p but still yeah, im getting a gd degree, not for those money and time wasted.

den i'll be getting my 1st van=p so that going west side will have 1 regular, who could drive and have car.

my company would be smooth and wrking by the end of the 4 years, by den, i'll be having a full time coordinator to coordinate the business... while me? haha, will go to the real world to get mroe experience

well... that's over the next 4 yrs... short and sweet... but not simple...

love life... im crossing my hands...
friendship, i'll forever have
family, it'll be closer
me... i hope tt im better...

...it's autumn time, 12:14 AM

Congratulation
恭喜恭喜
Gelukwens
Félicitation
Glückwunsch
Συγχαρητήρια
Congratulazione
お祝い
축하
Felicitações
Поздравление
Enhorabuena

Seriously... there's no amount of congratulation i can say from my mouth...
Sincerely wishing you eternal bless... may you and aaron faster have u wedding soon and ur baby too=p

aunty.. thx for all these yrs listening to me... so next time u got baby liao=p haha, dun expect me to help u take care ah=p hahhaa.... i play wif him/ her can=p haha

and oso... wishing ur solemnisation today goes smoothly, and the final video would be splendid perfect=)

wishing u, precious moments=) everlasting=)

...it's autumn time, 1:23 AM

I know that my life is so much blessed than others...

but i felt that there's something in this life that ive yet to do...
something that i have to complete...
something that makes me whole...

i duno wat is it yet...

i dun really have the motivation to go sch... maybe it's too long since ive went back school... wrk is abit behind time... gotta push all the way b4 i go... dun wana get myself bz over nthing...

my co... im still wrking on it...

new aim? macbook pro... well... i need it for my business, wrk and sch... so i certainly hope tt i nvr make a wrong choice...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DT9TEtE6Yyg

maybe... this is really where i can perform... where there'll be someone telling me, or hinting me... wat am i missing in life....

...it's autumn time, 1:02 AM

Few days ago... actually, it was last sunday...

I went for a shoot at Asian Civilisation... Went there early to set up... but didnt get back to office... im really very tired... coz the day b4... once again i got insomnia...

so a treat from my colleague, fiona... we went to TCC... went for a coffee... so being a mountain tortoise... i chose blue mountain, 1 coffee type that ive read from a chinese novel...

not to my realise... it's actually da most ex 1 of the classic coffee=p but anyway... i gotta say i love the taste... it's not very sour... neither izzit bitter like expresso does... it gives off a pure aroma... so for a moment... it stops me from thinking of anything... juz a sudden peace... and then wat follows was a surprise... a gentle pinch of almond taste (i think it's almond taste... coz it's the only aroma i can think of...) leaves inside ur mouth... felt good...

but wat it doesnt bring... is wat caffeine shd be doing... it didnt wake me up... if it does... maybe only for tt few seconds...

after the shoot... went back office... packed my stuffs and i actually fell aslp on the floor!-_-" caught on pics by joyce-_-"

went out to meet weibin at bugis later on... went walking around... talking... thinking and planning abot the future, how life's gonna be for the both of us...

we went to kino... and i somehow bought alot again... be glad im spending on books... though most of them are comics=p anyway... comics... there's this particular comic ive been finding for v v v v long liao... Yin Hun eps 18... i went to a dozen of shops but yet i couldnt find it... i thot... im so damn suay...

and so i took my chances at kino... and i search thru... yet i still cant find it... den weibin give me the ??? face... and points it to me... 十八.... 4 thick books right in front of my eyes... how could i missed it????? den ive figured out... ive always thot it was 十六-_-"

this juz tells me how much i missed in the last mth... how much ive actually made mistakes and i didnt know... alot...

...it's autumn time, 1:01 AM

Everything seems at a lost for me when ive always been planning for the next 5 yrs spending with someone i loved...

I didnt planned for being single...

I dun really have any where im aiming and to do now...

Ive no motivation to go sch... neither do i have any for wrking...

Right now... wat im looking forward to... might be aunty's wedding only...

den after tt?... i think might be my company le...

I thot i would have this company up, and she supporting me till i got success... but now, i wanted this company to be up... coz it represents me... someplace where i can express as myself... and relate to...

i got a feeling it'll really take a long time to be ready... but i think... im not ready to give this up so soon... after all... it's my only wish now... i wanted to dedicate this company... to me... and...

need help suggesting my co's name...=)

...it's autumn time, 2:21 AM

Went for medical check up today...

Perfect eye sight,
Increase in height,
Maintaining my weight,
Regular heart beat,
No colour blindness,
Pes A status in army,
No distortion in bones,
No nthing in xray...

I have a perfect health...
......
......
......

...it's autumn time, 12:11 PM

是该交待些什么了。。。

这两天，我到底怎么了？我想你们可以稍微放心些了。

昨天，是我差点活不过去的日子。我一直哭泣着，停了，又在哭。没睡到。就这样迷迷糊糊地去上班了。在车上，一切的一切是那么的熟悉。地铁车厢里，有她靠在我身上的回忆，我的杯是她送我的，不管做些什么，到哪去，都有着她的味道。

昨天，在公司里，我真的真的受不了，好几次要到厕所里躲。就这样一郑天，我真的受不了。还好之后有跟海娇他们出去。也只是，一直看到的是我们的回忆。他们陪我到很迟很吃。凌晨的三点多，我终于到家了。心情总算是好多了，可是睡意却依然无存。。。我却在回忆中，不知不觉地睡着了。

混到深夜的结果是，本来该在八点起床的我，醒来时是十一点多了。

今天，是好过了些。。。却在放工回家的途中想起了很多事，差点又在车上哭。

今天，约了中学的朋友，姿蓉，佩珊，智杰。今天也说了好久好久。。。

我的心，暂时找到地方靠了。

你问我伤心吗？
我依然还是。
你问我空虚吗？
我依然还是
你问我还好吗？
我依然还是，不好。

或许是比第一天好，但是，我还是需要时间。我还在整理我的情绪。有些事虽然会触碰着回忆，但我还是依然接受，不排拒。你不能叫我一次忘记，也不能叫我放弃，因为此刻的我，依然还是爱她。我需要时间，收起我的心。

我会没事的，只是时间上的关系。一个不负荷的爱情终究会有一方难受。我要跟她说对不起，我的爱给得太多，爱情不负荷了，压力更多了，受伤的，就是她。一份感情，双方都有各自的责任，失败了，我们都有错。我的未来，我会成功的，可是不一定是爱情的关系。我看不见爱情，因为有一点点恐惧，我不想再伤害另一颗心。

对，现在的我，还是爱她，也不知道应该怎么面对她。不过，我想，我因该能办得到吧。。。

我担心的不是自己，因为我知道我会没事。可是，我担心的是她。我有你们的倾听，有你们的陪伴。可是她？

[ h0pin for the better ]

i really hopes for the better for you... may the next person you meet be someone better... someone who can give you the happiness that i couldnt give.

...it's autumn time, 1:29 AM

失恋的感觉就像是感冒一样，
身体渐渐失去了温暖
温度一直在下降
我的身体时不时就在颤抖着
好冷
眼泪和鼻涕就这样直流不停
就算给我服完一盒药
一切也不会有康复的迹象

...it's autumn time, 5:29 PM

ive once imagined b4... if someday i juz pass away... i guess 1 thing i'll regret in my life will be that ive nvr loved b4...

but this regret is no longer anymore...

ive now no regret in life...

and im made up wif my mind already... im not finding anymore partner in my life... since everyone who came wif me suffered badly frm me... if it's suffering wif me... i rather chose to be single...

pls let not be another psn to come along to suffer...

...it's autumn time, 4:02 AM

1st July... 2am... it ended... Juz like when it started... it's the same time...

she had a stone on her... it's a burden...

i had a hole in me... it's a sickness...

she lifted her stone... ive filled my hole...

but it juz seems to be more empty for me...

ive got alot of heart feelings i wana say... but i duno where to start...

1 year of relation might be nothing to some ppl... but it's alot to me... alot...

those friends who knows me will noe wat im going to do next... dun need to attempt to stop me... coz u'll noe how i'll react... so pls pls pls dun... dun get angry over such matters... let me be me... and i'll get well sooner or later... i juz need accompany now... alot...

i really really she bu de=( sobz...

...it's autumn time, 3:25 AM

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