Sunday, October 29, 2006
记事本 ~ 周传雄翻开随身携带的记事本
写着许多事都是关于你
你讨厌被冷落
习惯被守候
寂寞才找我
我看见自己写下的心情
把自己放在卑微的后头
等你等太久
想你泪会流
而幸福快乐是什么
爱的痛了, 痛的哭了, 哭的累了
日记本里页页执着
记载着你的好
像上瘾的毒药
它反复骗着我
爱的痛了, 痛的哭了, 哭的累了
矛盾心里总是强求
劝自己要放手
闭上眼让你走
烧掉日记重新来过
我看见自己写下的心情
把自己放在卑微的后头
等你等太久
想你泪会流
而幸福快乐是什么
爱的痛了, 痛的哭了, 哭的累了
日记本里页页执着
记载着你的好
像上瘾的毒药
它反复骗着我
爱的痛了, 痛的哭了, 哭的累了
矛盾心里总是强求
劝自己要放手
闭上眼让你走
烧掉日记重新来过
爱的痛了, 痛的哭了, 哭的累了
矛盾心里总是强求
劝自己要放手
闭上眼让你走
重新来过
...it's autumn time, 2:25 PM
Fairytale~ Magical StardustI was walking down the stretch of beach the other nite...
The silent winds... The cooling nite...
Stars hanging high up in the sky...
Painting a beautiful portrait above my head
It seems magical, I felt wonderful...
I sense something special brewing up that nite...
Twinkle, Twinkle, Twinkle
Something sparkled in the middle of the darkness
What is it?
It seems like a hope...
It's a gift from the peaceful sea...
Twinkle, Twinkle, Twinkle
It drifted nearer, nearer & nearer
It lays gently on the shore...
I picked it up, it's glowing...
A fairy den appeared from a sprinkle of the magical dust...
She told me that the magical dust came from the stars that glides across the sky above
Juz a sprinkle will bring me any wish I want to come true
Twinkle, Twinkle, Twinkle
And she vanished into the thin air...
I thot...
"I don't need tis at all... at least not now..."
"Bless the person im giving tis to, with good health, for the rest of her life"
Hope tt tis stardust will work wonders & grant you all your wishes...
May you be blessed with good health always...
...it's autumn time, 12:19 PM
有些事情放在心里，是一种压抑。在心里憋久了就变成了痛苦，变成抱负。
一直抵赖着事实，倒不如承认它。
与其在心里一直忍耐，一切不如说出来痛快。
可是随而后知的是结果。
你能承受这结果吗？
所以你犹豫，是否该抛开抱负。
说出来是面对结果，不说出来是忍耐痛苦。
这就是所谓的矛盾。
是世上最锋利的矛获胜，还是世上最坚硬的盾会赢呢？
最理想的结果会是矛穿过了盾，但是断成两节吗？
这就叫两败俱伤，什么好结局都没有。
这是告诉你，如果你无法选择，吃亏的是自己。
所以你只可选，胜或败，没得打和。。。
我选择了，可是我不知我是否是胜或败。。。
或许到最后，我还是以败者收场。。。
成功的是，我做出了选择。。。
+[windyrain]+... 你也这么想吗？
...it's autumn time, 2:01 AM
宮-野蠻王妃~你…我是傻瓜
nan ba bo yeo seo jyo nae ga ba bo yeo seo jyo
我是傻瓜 我真的是傻瓜
hu hoe hae do neut jeo jyo al jyo dol ri kil sun eop jyu
後悔也來不及 我知道 已無法回頭
keu dael bol su ob seo yo na do al go it seo yo
不可能再見到你 我也明白
nae ga jeong mal jal mot tae seo yo jeong mal mi an nae yo
我真的錯了 我真的很抱歉
geu ddaen yae gi ha ji mot tae jyo neo mu eo ri seok geo jyu
那時說不出口 是我太傻
i je wa seo i reo ke ae tae wu myeo nan yong seo reul bil reo yo
到了現在 我才焦急地乞求你原諒
dang sin neun na neun ba bo ib ni da
你…我是傻瓜
ja jon sim ddae mun ne sul goa sseun dam bae yeon gi ro mang ga ji go it jyo
因為自尊心 太過想念你 我的心靈不堪負荷
dang sin neun na neun ba bo ib ni da
你…我是傻瓜
a jik sa rang ha gi e ha ru jong il peong peong ul go man nit jyo
因為依然愛著 一整天淚眼婆娑
geu dae do na do mo du ba bo cheo reom
你和我一樣 都像個傻瓜
＞＞＞前奏＜＜＜
geu reo ji mal ra yo da si saeng gak kae bwa yo
不要這樣 請再想想
u ri eo ddeot ke yeo gi kka ji him deul ge wat neun de
我們是那麼辛苦地走到這裡
da si saeng gak kae bwa yo hu hoe ha sil geo e yo
請再想想 會後悔的
nae ga jeong mal jal mot tae seo yo jeong mal mi an nae yo
我真的錯了 真的很抱歉
geu ddaen yae gi ha ji mot tae jyo neo mu eo ri seok geot jyo
那時說不出口 是我太傻
i je wa seo i reot ke ae tae u myeo nan yong seo reul bil reo yo
到了現在 我才焦急地乞求你原諒
dang sin neun na neun ba bo ib ni da
你…我是傻瓜
ja jon sim ddae mun ne sul goa sseun dam bae yeon gi ro mang ga ji go it jyo
因為自尊心 太過想念你 我的心靈不堪負荷
dang sin neun na neun ba bo ib ni da
你…我是傻瓜
a jik sa rang ha gi e ha ru jong il peong peong ul go man nit jyo
因為依然愛著 一整天淚眼婆娑
geu dae do na do mo du ba bo cheo reom
你和我一樣 都像個傻瓜
geu dae eob si dan nan sun gan do nan sal su eob seo yo
沒有你 我無法多活一秒鐘
meo ril jal ra do sul reul ma syeo do nun mul man heu reu jyo
剪了髮 喝了酒 眼淚仍流不停
dang sin neun na neun ba bo ib ni da
你…我是傻瓜
ja jon sim ddae mun ne sul goa sseun dam bae yeon gi ro mang ga ji go it jyo
因為自尊心 太過想念你 我的心靈不堪負荷
dang sin neun na neun ba bo ib ni da
你…我是傻瓜
a jik sa rang ha gi e ha ru jong il peong peong ul go man nit jyo
因為依然愛著 一整天淚眼婆娑
geu dae do na do mo du ba bo cheo reom
你和我一樣 都像個傻瓜
i je deo i sang mang ga ji ji ma yo
別再讓我墮落下去
~我相信我是个傻瓜~
...it's autumn time, 1:04 AM
Saturday, October 28, 2006
有些事发生了，就是无法当它没发生过。。。 我试着当它没发生过，我尝试以往常的方式面对她，可是事实就摆在我眼前，那种陌生的滋味是那么的无奈，那么的遥远。。。 不过，那就是事情发生后的结局。。。不打招呼，不说话的朋友，算是朋友吗？我们是朋友吗？那种陌生的程度。。。就好比失去一个朋友一样。。。 我的难过就只能自己忍着。。。失去一个朋友，滋味是何？
有些时候想说些什么的，却不知如何开口。我们就这样，在对方的圈子里，似乎看不见对方的，结束一天的行动。
这就是所谓的，最熟悉的陌生人吗？。。。
我已压制了那酸与醋味，可是一直回想着过去，这是不是很傻的行为？还是专制？我想这只是我一味的执著，什么都不是。。。
好想从新认识她，跟她说话，一起玩乐。。。不过，这些都是梦。。。事情始终是发生了，不管是她还是我，都知道。
我最不想要看到的结局还是出现了。。。是我不能迈前一步，还是她呢？真的不能做普通朋友吗？陌生难道才是最好的结局？
我后悔。。。后悔当初的愚昧行为，后悔当初许多许多。那时的我，是那么的笨，那么的不解人情。现在的我，只能像个败者，直叹后悔，却又不能做什么。
或许吧。。。或许这真的是最好的结局？我们的陌生。。。 回到了，回到了我们完全不认识的时光，她走她的快乐，我有我的愉快，我们的生命没有交叉过。。。 只不过，我们的生命真的交叉过了，现在只是我不够潇洒，一直放不下，一直念念不忘。小小的事就钩出许许多多的回忆，让我无法忘怀。从新开始是否是个梦？。。。 *一巴掌扫了过来。。。 不要在痴心妄想了。。。 过去发生了就不能再像从前。这是以前给过的教训，我却还没学乖。
今天我真的好累好累，我想就要达到我的极点了。 我还能支持多一下子。。。
一个星期的无法入眠，慢慢的已经搞垮我了。我想已是几个星期的事了。。。 人类是个习惯性的动物，他们会一直习惯性的重复做着一些事。。。对，这是习惯，我需要赶快改掉。。。
可是就在改掉之前，我的肠胃又出事了-_-"
昨天又忙到了12点多，2点多才终于入眠，6点多就被人吵醒了。多日失去的睡眠还没补回，我们又需要去练体能，直到我的脚真的在发抖。。。 加上肠胃的不适。。。脑筋里又想些不该想的事。。。 今天，真的够了。。。 我真的好累好累。。。
她会看到吗？我不知道，不知道她还有没有读我的blog。。。 就算看到了，也无所谓。 因为这根本对我们之间不会有任何的影响。我想，我们还是那么的陌生。。。 希望我错吧。。。。
现在的她，因该开始在忙着准备考试了吧，其他人也是吧。。。大家都要好好加油，不要让自己失望就好！
...it's autumn time, 12:56 AM
Sunday, October 22, 2006
ystrday had a very bad sleep... i tired le, go into my bed, cover myself all the way to my neck... my aircon isnt switched on... only the fan at the lowest speed...but im shivering, or trembling under my blanket... tremble so hard tt my teeth is oso knocking each other... i oso duno why... juz keep trembling...
duno for how long... i finally fell asleep... mrning wake up, den whole body felt very bu shu fu... duno wat's wrong... maybe not enuff slp... haix...
...it's autumn time, 12:27 PM
abit seh now liao... faster blog le den go orh le...okie, so ystrday after training went jiao's place to play mahjong, coz weibin's last weekend le... den no more weekend gathering for the next few mth liao... at 1st play 1 round... in the end the 1st round ended at around 4am-_-"... den continued to the 2nd till 6 like tt... den leslie drived me home... heng... if not i oso sianz...
reach home quickly go online, trying to book the tix... but alot of cock ups here and there... at 1st is the eNets thing... so i apply liao, tis and tt... den duno why got 1 part the bank got error... so cant continue-_-" den huiying they all oso cant confirm tix... so oso abit ma fan...
in the end i slp only for 2 hrs den i wake up den go to marina liao... go there buy tix 1st... dun wana later dun have tix den sianded...
so reached there around 3... borrowed money frm changxing 1st... wahaha... 1st time buy $200+ worth of tix... lol~ 29 tickets!... super long ah... lol~
den i stray around the place for v v v v v long... den came, sam, winhung, nick etc etc... dinner's at subway... oooh... cookiessss is niceeee:p hhaha... after tt we went for the show le...
hm... i abit sadded la... disappointed wif da show... not as high as i expected to be... comics seems to be nicer... coz the actor cant portray out Light and L totally... wat's even more sianz... haha. i fell aslp for 3 mins... i wake up den i lost liao... loL~ coz the story change abit frm comics... so i blur for awhile... but heng... i wake up for the rest of the show liao:p
hm... i wondered everyone enjoyed the show anot... hopefully they did ba... coz i spend quite some effort to make tis outing leh... lol~
deathnote 2 will be out on 28th dec... 1 day after my bday... hehehe... i wonder can cele my bday le den tell them go watch wif me anot:p lol~
...it's autumn time, 1:18 AM
Saturday, October 21, 2006
amanda sent me tis character test... something abot fragrance de... yupz... tt's more or less me... how true is it?... quite very true:p
...it's autumn time, 1:26 PM
今天似乎有好些人好像心情都很差。。。还是只是我罢了
突然，就会想，是我吗？
或许吧。。。对不起。。。
为什么我老是选者孤独？
而不选者成群呢？
难道我就那么喜欢寂寞吗？
我不明白。。。
...it's autumn time, 1:00 PM
Friday, October 20, 2006
*** warning... super long + sianz entry16th oct
Today's haze lv hits 130 when i booked out... it's been liek tt the whole day, & yeah... my turn to fall sick le... heng i nvr bring wushu clothes, if not i sure make my health worse, coz i confirm will go training de:p
went celebrating wanling's bday instead... also long vnr see her... b4 tt went club 1st & e 1st comment i receive for the day is "how come ur eye swollen?"...-_-"
huh? was my reply... eugene says it's quite swollen, i dun get it why, coz i felt nthing...
we're dining @ a indian restaurant @ farrer park... quite ex, so we oso nvr ordered much... when we sat down... i recieved my 2nd comment... "ur dark circles is deeper!"-_-" wanling says tt it;s deeper den the last time she saw me... okie... 2 psn says tt le... so cant be wrong... haix...
anyway, was very hungry at 1st but den later i become no appetite, even wanling see le oso query wif my meal.. coz i only ate rice:p lol... so she grabbed other food to me... haha... die die oso need to eat... oh yah... i oso suddenly lost my voice... -_-" funny...
after meal, we went orchard... sat @ NYDC for drinks and we did some catching up... was really glad tt ive come... i mean we really haven meet for long & talk loh... alot of things to say and listen... but the zhong dian is on going home...
me & jiao was sitting at the back of the van (leslie driving)... we talked alotm abot us... den i suddenly realise i got alot of things i wana tell her... & alot of things i wana let her noe and noe frm her... haix... why izizt a nitez out?... i wana talk longer wif her loh... there's so much things to say, to noe and to listen...
she said abot tt time she dreamt abot the 3 of us together again, & she's feeling happy abot tt dream... rea;;y, if im her, i'll oso be very happy... 再怎么说，那也是一份很快乐的时光. den she talked abot me being possessive... yeah, i noe abot it le... but i always nvr realise when i display it... things tt looks alright to me dun seems to others... & tt leads to my insensitivity.... i might be a sensitive guy... but i think and think again... clearly and logically... im only sensitive to myself... ? ... im still not sensitive enuff to others... tt's why i can nvr get hints... isnt it?...
how do i not be possessive?... sometimes it's juz 2 different feelings btwn 当事人&旁观者... it's 2 diff feelings at all... it's not juz "你为什么这样的？" can sum up everything...
there's so much more to it tt ought to be explored... hope 1 day, no... dun wan her to noe abot tt feeling... coz it's not nice at all... she got think in our shoes is gd enuff le...
reached back camp... could do nthing but to stop... wish i got more time to find out some stuffs frm her... some mistakes ive made even w/o me realising... some feelings i wish to noe... & also updates abot her etc etc... there's jzu so many things...
back in camp... prepared to slp... but yeah, i ended up writing tis blog... losing my slp again... coz brain wouldnt stop wrking...
life shd be lived w/o regrets... i thot ive stopped regretting... but not... today i realised tt those regrets have nvr left me b4.... i think these are stuffs tt couldnt be erased juz by thinking "okie, no means regretting it liao... wat's done is done" once uve regretted... it'll always be a regret...
i regret why didnt i transfer to NP to pursue my dream course
i regret why did i lost a friend w/o noeing exact reason why
i regret why did i make silly mistake again & made her disappointed
i regret nvr writing testimonials when i could...
i regret for my flaws in my character...
there's juz so many things..
liek we chatted... it's always best tt there's no r/s in a grp of friends, coz it's not always friends again if they might seperate... it's always harder to solve the problem when it goes further den friendship... and yes... the next psn i would fall for... shall not be in wushu... and for the next 1... i hope tt my flaws shall be no more...
& for tt... everyone, pls tell me all my flaws... i hope.. i could change for...
江山易改，本性难移... let's juz see how much i could change...
den i thot abot something else... ive always wanted to say tis to someone, but i nvr have a chance to say to her... if u ask me how much do u love a psn, to wat extend?... i would nvr, ever say "i would love her, to the extend i'll die for her"... it's stupid, coz the 1 left behind will always be the 1 who suffers... if u love her, why let her suffer?... "i will live for her"... no, tt's not my answer too... im myself and she'll loves me for who i am... "i'll live myself to the fullest, to be with her, by her side"... tt's wat i wana say... i wan to be with u, tt's why i lived, it's not for u i lived.. haha... abit fei hua... guess u all oso duno wat i saying:p lol
sometimes. ppl couldnt commit to the next r/s coz of the prev 1.... or they cant put in their whole... it's juz so wrong and unfair to the other party... everyone has a past wat.. but saying is always easier... i wonder how would i comit to the next... i sure will scared of tis and tt liao... den like tt will be unfair to her... so if tt happens, being my friends, pls remind me okie?.. arigato...
& oh yah... it's always after something happened den i start to hear thigns tt i shd noe earlier den i noe wat i did wrong... it's like everything came so late loh... i mean if u all noe le, den tell me earlier, maybe things wun end up the same?.... at least i noe i could cahnge... i noe im a lousy hint catcher... so would ppl pls be straight forward to me?...
i think the next 1 i like muz tell her tis... haix... another regret...
* maybe the tone isnt right, but im not blaming anyone... even if i were to blame, i would blame myself... for being so slow... not sensitive... so no worries:)
if by tis time u're thinkign im committing into another r/s or something liek tt.... im sorry, u're wrong:p my life now is stagnant & shall not more... yeah... so clarifying, i do not have any new target or watsoever... juz tt my brain juice now extra hardwrking, made me think so much... & not able to slp...
~for a fairytale hope... hope tt the next gal will move me.. & gives me tt hope for me to put in my heart again... & hope.. hope tt she could accept my flaws, if i couldnt change by den...
~life is like a fairytale, juz tt tis tale, is extra long, & dun always end wif a happily ever after...
~life may be filled wif regrets, but wat we can do is not to stay in it, but hope to move on w/o having the same regrets again...
...it's autumn time, 12:14 AM
Sunday, October 15, 2006
It was friday! where our club president did her 1st Ce Kong Fan:pyeah... fang er did her kong fan on fri's training... wah...! so fast! biangz... tt time we still made a pact tt we need to do kong fan b4 our bday... i even accomdomate to her bday and set my aim to be deadline on 22nd dec...
haha, but seems like i can extend my deadline to 27th again:p... biangz... cannot lah!... muz jiayou more... if not i sure fail de...
yupz... in the end they no interest in going zoo... sadded... den in the end the outing canceled... go vivocity instead... and biangz... only 4 psn went-_-" me, kahboon, mingxian and eugene... wierd combi... wierder havgin only 4 psn... duno why... like ive been participating their 4-6 psn outing for sometime liao... can they have more ppl?:p
anyway the haze lvl dun seems to be getting better anytime... so everyone do take care... xian... u oso better take care... keep pain here and there... if dun zao gu hao zi ji... den u'll see all the troubles coming up le...
oh yah... those training taiji and batok 1... u all jiayou ah!... learn something back:) haha... take care oso:)
sat went vivocity... went late but still went in the end... wah... the place is big... but how big? duno... coz i nvr really go shop... so many ppl... so small road... even the directory is oso small de loh.. duno wat they thinking... so many ppl squeezing juz to see the directory... make it bigger lah:p....
after tt went training... tired... but die die muz train! haha...
hm.... after tt went bedok for supper where mx joined us... and we went to leslie's house... for mahjong session... xian left around 3? yah...
mrning came back den liddat loh...
anyway next week deathnote outing... hopefully got more ppl... den more fun:)
...it's autumn time, 11:35 AM
Saturday, October 14, 2006
曾经有一份真诚的爱情摆在我的面前但是我没有珍惜。
等到了失去的时候才后悔莫及
尘世间最痛苦的事莫过于此
如果上天可以给我一个机会再来一次的话
我会跟那个女孩子说我爱她
如果非要把这份爱加上一个期限
我希望是 一 万 年
...it's autumn time, 12:59 PM
\ /
\ /
\ /
\ /
\ / This is 2 lines tt crosses each other...
X They have intersection at 1 point...
/ \ They've crossed each other's path,
/ \ & they've met...
/ \
/ \ But the lines changed it's course
| | of route...
| | They went parallel...
| | They left each other,
| | They dun meet each other anymore...
| |
> :
<' : One line isnt sure of where to go...
`> : It's confused on it's path to take
<' .
`> .
<'
\ It tried going back....
\ But it turned back...
\
\ It's afraid?
\ Or it juz cant find it's way?
/
/
/ Where's the other line?
/ Im afraid, i duno where it is...
/ I duno where is it going,
: That line juz disappeared...
: Maybe it kept it's distance away
. from the returning line,
. Maybe it diverted somewhere...
` Maybe it turned back too...
` Or maybe, it juz went somewhere else...
Now... 2 lines is left wif one...
That means there's no more intersection...
no more link...
Unless the other line appear... back...
...it's autumn time, 3:48 AM
酸，它是什么？当你第一次尝到它时，你会紧闭着双眼，舌尖一缩，瞬间唾液从口后流进嘴里，双手握紧，然后全身会颤抖一下。。。最后心里可是会揪以下，一阵小小的疼痛。。。眼泪或许就这样溢出。。。这是酸？
有一个时期，我很喜欢酸。。。那种味道很奇特。慢慢的，我习惯了这个味道，也往更高的酸味挑战。后来的我，几乎是不怕酸的。。。
可是，不知何曾何时起，我对这个味道的能耐是越来越弱。。。一点点的酸就能让我感觉到那疼在心里的痛。。。我对这个味道已无可奈何了。。。
最近，我又尝到了久违的酸。这酸味让我心揪了许久，心也痛了。。。连眼泪也差点“破眶而出”。。。 我想我需要一段时间来从新习惯这味道。。。希望我能再对它毫无知觉。。。
...it's autumn time, 3:03 AM
Sunday, October 08, 2006
okie... juz woke up not long ago:preached home at around 7 ba... entered my room only den felt my room is bbqed... the haze smell very strong... so took out the ocean air freshner jul and jiao bought me 2 xmas ago...
ystrday b4 training met up wif jiahui for lunch, talked abot quite alot of stuffs, and of coz my family updates and myself... glad tt he called me out for lunch... hopefully more to come, he's getting a bike soon liao... den i'll be going for my driving lessons soon too:p
after tt still early, so went to westmall there to wait for time to pass.. in the end i fell aslp at the coffeebean:p wahaha...
after tt bin reached le, so i went sch... the psi level still quite high, think got above 100... but doubt we'll care abot it... training starts wif me, bin, winhung, eugene, nick, huiying and huifang, junming oso came today, to teach weibin. leslie and jul came much later
den i met up wif jess they all, to get a photo cd frm her, den they left for the SP musical.... how? is it nice???
we ended training quite early, around 8 like tt... coz the security guard wana lock the sports hall... sadded... but not bad, did quite alot of stunts today... den they doing dao li, den huiying fall till she gave herself orh chey on the face:p lol but only a small bruise lah... think will oso recover v fast de.
today special, we went holland v makan instead, den eileen msged me abot the psi lvl... wah...150!abit kua zhang for tt amt of haze:p coz i thot still 130 there only:p but anyway we ended training le, so oso nvm:p thx eileen for the "psi report" :p
the meal was simple, nthing much, den nick started to tell jokes... tt most of the time i cant get it, if not really cold till i shiver...
gary came after we finished our meal... at 1st say got prgrm 1... but nobody noe where to go... den drag drag drag... drag till everyone go liao, left me, fang, gary, nick and ying..
nick sent us to the mrt... and in the end? the boonlay gang sent ying home... and she still thot we're joking till the point we got out of the train den she believe like tt...
played scissors paper stone wif her and fang on train... pain sia... hit so many times, whole hand oso become red... but huifang's 1 more powerful... a few time nia den really pain lioa:p lol~
we went to 7-11 and got ourselves some drinks and food den went to somewhere near her house... we sat in an open space, started eating and talking... it's like a noe each other session ba... knew abit more abot huiying, and it did surprise me somehow abot her... anyway i oso duno she's a christian... dun look like 1 to me:p haha... oopz...
anyway she's talking lah, den everytime she ends something related to "sad", or something like her tone is sad, den she'll drink frm the bottle... den fang comment tt she looks like she's drinking alcohol like tt... lol~ 借酒消愁，she's 借orange消愁:p
yupz... though psi is high, the place we sit at seems alright, nthing much, the air oso seems cleaner... maybe coz of the trees around ba... anyway, i could see the clear sky... and the round moon...
etc etc... quite sianz at the back... coz nthng to do... den keep wanting to doze off... finally mrning hrs lioa, we went to mac b4 we left... me, gary and fang juz slpt all the way home:p hahha.. i guess both of them still slping now:p lol~
they say they not interested in the zoo visit... i sianded... guess diff era... tt's why diff feeling liao... it'll be fun to go there wif friends de.. haix... duno.. got a feeling it'll be canceled in the end... maybe by den i go there eat ice cream only liao...-_-...
...it's autumn time, 11:48 AM
Saturday, October 07, 2006
bin came to wushu today... we was walking den we abit sianz... sianz abot friends stuff... yah...we was talking abot why our clique noe so spreaded... frm last time we used to say 7 ppl clique... slowly we spreaded to smaller clique... bin den hanged out wif laken... and they were quite buddies at tt time... den till now... become only they 4... which is jul, leslie, jiao and laken...
im used to it le... going out not informing me... and i understand why... so i took it all... so now they go out on their own, i oso dun really mind liao... but bin now is going thru wat i used to feel... they went langkawi as if it's a secret... they went cele laken's bday as if we duno him...
bin sianded coz it's like he oso quite buddy wif laken mah... den ended up like tis...
his nick ystrday... abit sadded... "im always the sidekick"... when u're alone... tt's the feeling ba... now me, him and gary stands on the same line... the line tt only the 3 of us noe, and we understand each other... and tt's when our pubbing spirit comes again:p
lol~... looking at the 3 of us... haha, we're like abandon child like tt... 1st was me... den gary joined me... and now bin joined us... ironic... but i'll try to help him... living a single life that is more occupied...
yupz... things change, world change... but 1 thing will nvr change, the earth still keeps orbitting, time still keeps moving... ive already taken it up all... i believe him, who's defintely much stronger den me to move on better... a pessimistic him?... nope... i die die oso dun let him go to tt end where we prefered... and noe tt tt's a place where we shdnt go...
yupz... talking abot friends... like amanda said... we will only get busier... and our paths may cease to cross in time to come... All it takes is effort on our part to sustain it.
im trying hard to do so... but it still seems quite impossible... i still felt very lonely... i still couldnt find all my friends back... i still got the feeling tt im losing them...
anna they all went clubbing and jioed me a few times le but everytime i cant make it... felt damn saded loh!... all i say is i take effort i take effort, but nthing seems like changing like tt...
everyone is having their woes and i cant tell them mine... 我的心事又有谁知？...
haven been slping gd for the whole week... no... shd say almost nvr slp... but heng i got all things i wana do in camp completed le... next week got new things to do... hoepfully i can slp well tis week lioa...
seeing some of day unhappy... i oso very sad... wana share their woes... but could i? i all could do is lend a listening ear... i couldnt even console them sometimes... i sux at it... do anyone have consoling courses? i'll be the 1st to sign up.... sometimes i oso wonder do i have the 资格to share their sadness anot...
but no matter wat... i'll be more den glad if i can listen to em, to share their woes... even if tt's the only thing i could do...
im glad... glad tt anna came to talk to me today.... glad, glad tt jiahui asked me out for lunch and im able to make it... im an ez satisfied psn... :) and im glad... abot something else...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
it's super hazy...... everything u see is blur... and in someway, to me, it's really nice... if only the word haze is changed to misty or foggy...
the scene.... juz like a dreamland... at nite frm my bunk looking out... u nvr feel tt camp can oso be so nice... those lights and building with the blur efx... everything seems unreal... but nonetheless... all this is not gd... coz it's haze... not fog or mist... so everyone... pls kindly drink more water and dun get urself sick okie?
heard them saying going to have a zoo outing next week!... so excited... but i sianz straight after... coz they dun seem to be slightest interested like tt... haix... sianded... but i still wana go:p relive memories? hahaha... maybe ba... but i still think it'll be fun going there:p anyway i suggested tis to kahboon 1 loh... lol~ is there any JBP visit? lol... wana go too... hopefully after zoo den we got go nite safari:p
den they got a celebration for mid-autumn fest... but it seems dull... yah, not like the past... no noise, no cheers... no lantern... maybe the time juz not right... atmosphere juz not good... and the sky, juz no moon... no feeling to cele... dun even feel like eating mooncake. actually i dun even noe it's mid-autumn till eileen told me...
but den no feeling is no feeling, but still muz eat cuthbert's mum mooncake... wah... it's nice loh:) tt time say wana go learn but in the end oso nvr go...:p lol...
hm... wat's a mid-autumn fest w/o mooncakes and pomelo, a xmas w/o logcakes and turkey, a bday w/o a bday cake and candles... well... im going to experience it... strictly no cake for my bday...:p... been planning to do tt since few mths ago...
voting is next week... will the comm be gd?... i wonder... last time i quit cadc coz of the internal conflict and all the politics they having... i chose it to be simpler, more warmly and family... i came to wushu... where the family bond is...
i look at the club now... i see no diff frm the cadc i used to noe.... wat happened? where's the family spirit... ~discouraged... but nvrtheless... i hope a good committee is formed... den i wun be seeing ppl leaving the club... i hope i still can go back to train, seeing all the usual ppl... and training happily
den go home... on the mrt platform... only 1 impression... no more dreamland... it's like 阴阳路... -_-" anyway, the train came, got not enuff space, so i boarded the next cabin... all the way till JE den i can move... and fang forgot abot me!... and find herself a seat...
i always have the tendacy to "disappear" suddenly... and in my impression... there's not alot who can notice my presence when i disappeared... the most deep impression is junren... den is jiao liao... the rest can count within my fingers...
actually wana go cemetry today de... visit my mother... wana go "talk talk".... but funny... my mum nvr wrk today... so better not go... later she noe le den my dad oso noe... den guai guai de...
nvm... next mth still have to go de... i'll juz wait till den ba...
haix... 1 time blog so many things abot memories... and my sadness... gd enuff le lah... feeling better... take care for all... dun get sick!:)
...it's autumn time, 12:56 PM
ystrday... we had an early book out... 130pm:p shuang dao...at first is plan to go home de... wana go slp... 1 week no slp very xin ku de...
but in the end? i ended up at SP FC2... for lunch wif my sniper buddies
haha... quite sudden... but since they on, i oso on:)
but dun understand why fc2... sianded... there like nthing to eat like tt... (in the end is the wana see gals tt's why wana go sch eat-_-) lol~ too bad... lunch hr over le loh... no much ppl:p haha... den they sianded
after lunch... we had a day "tour" in sch lol!~ relive some of our (me, zihui and ivan) memories...
yeah... indeed... my poly 3 yrs... all my fun and laughter, sadness and everything... each and every pieces really slowly coming back to me...
ivan took the lead, to bring us around, he wana go T9, den we'll pass by alot of places lah...
1st we passed zihui's lecture room, we went in:p lol~ coz nobody mah, den come out liao...
we went to the library, entered w/o admin pass:p lol... imagine 6 army guys went in:p lol~ of coz we wearing normal clothes lah, so no prob hahhaa...
zihui wana go 4th floor... he lead us by stairs! lol... the rest were complaining lah, haha, coz got lift dun wana use-_-" den i took them to the lift... den zihui pressed b1!!!!! when we wana go 4th floor...-_-" the nick we give him really super suit him sia... now no more 56k modem... now is 64mb ram!...
so we went up there, juz walk around, enjoying the aircon, den jason says: thanks for bringing us around ah, but sorry ah, i got my diploma liao... lol!~ we laughed loh... damn funny when he says it...
after tt ivan went off to T9 to chat wif his lab tech, den the rest of us went fc3... and i put my bag in club... not long after i sent them off, passing by fc5, saw leehong and wenqi... den i like tour guide like tt... intro them all the FC, the place, the sch etc etc... lol...
den at mrt saw nick and huiying... yah... they going to sign up some dance claz i think... anyway, sent them off le den i go back club liao...
v tired, really v tired... such a hot day summore.. but im satisfied today... 3hrs of reliving some of my best and worst memories... tt tells me tt ive grad for a year+ le... missed those days...
...it's autumn time, 11:33 AM
Thursday, October 05, 2006
i went back camp tt day... den jason told me tt he found my blog-_-" wah lau eh... my blog really so ez to find meh??? how come so many ppl noe my blog de... no fair leh...anyway... he told me tt he found it when he searching something on yahoo... den i remembered... yah... my blog really damn ez to find... coz 2yrs ago i think... jiao oso found it-_-"""" summore i think it's the 1st result found -_-" diaozzzzzzzz
k anyway, so even if he found my blog oso nvm... coz not jian bu de ren or wat...
so was at home on tue, watching tis ch 8 prgrm called wat? i oso forgot le lah... something to do wif u love someone den u can ask the show to help ya...
so last eps, there's a gal who proposed to a guy!!!! wah!... UP!... li hai... pei fu... * claps.... hahah... coz im really surprised and even touched tt a gal would do tt lah... tt guy is xing fu de loh!...:p lol
wed watched a movie... Qing Dian Da Sheng (a chinese tall story)... haha... i noe tis show quite old le la... but wat to do? haha... got show to watch v gd liao... dun hiam:p
The ending, the buddha said tt Tang Sheng's love is limited, while meiyan's love is limitless... make quite some sense though... * pls go watch the show if u dun understand:p lazy to explain:p
and the very last ending, made me realise tt
最遥远的距离，不是你爱的人你身边，可是她不知道，而是两个相爱的人知道命运永远将他们分离
sadded...
coz of tis show... i lost another nite of slp... haix... tis whole week every nite i cant slp... it's like memories once tapped, it'll juz keep flowing into me... sianded... den next day oso cant rest like usual... coz got lots of things to do... damn tired... den today got drill!... i thot i cannot make it... heng... the sun no too strong... so i did made it throughout in the end.. glad...
oh yah... saw xiuming when i go JP buy something juz now... was still having a ------- feeling when i booked out... very sian de gan jue... den saw her, quite surprised, long nvr see liao... but somehow it cheered me:) yeah!... sometimes i wonder, am i easily contended psn or hard to please?...
...it's autumn time, 8:43 PM
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
recently the haze is serious izzit? actually i damn lag lah... i dun even noe there's some prob wif the air until there's 1 nite where we noticed the sky very hazy... den next day we see CNA den we noe abot it...today rained during the mrning... can literally smell the haze coming rite down... so guys/gals... take care ah!!!!... those who kena cough oso take care too okie?
rane oso take care too... i wonder u still read my blog anot... but u better take care well...
parenting.... i think it's super hard isnt it? especially wif someone like my sis?...
haix... i got to noe tt she's smoking frm her blog... but think she not addicted yet... if not come home sure got the smell de... den i told my mum...
she go ask her-_-" but not directly lah... duno wat she say oso lah... den kena Da Xiao Sheng by my sis...-_-" already told her not to ask her liao still dun listen to me... haix... but being a parent oso cham... no reason kena shouted by ur daughter.... still have to tahan... :( den the excuse my sis give?... xin qing bu hao....
shit lah... everyday oso xin qing bu hao... as if i very hao like tt... arghz... give me a pill to make my sis grow up!...
...it's autumn time, 9:26 PM