Everyday is a sunny day!

The film students are really 1 group of jialat ppl... lol... rite now... half of them are coughing like mad... and i do wonder issit i passed it to them=p

however... they really did shoot untill the wee hrs at nite... great job ppl! *though i think none of the film students read my blog=p

im finally at home now... after duno how many nites i spent in sch... but tt doesnt mean the end of me wrking at late hrs... coz i still needa chiong office work.
My life is really screwing quite big time... how come i always sounds like im screwing up my life so much??? the last time was FOC... but now???????

anyway... made a gd choice of not going Graphic design today... rested and slpt quite alot... doing nthing... juz plain slping at the lounge... listening to music... hecking about school life... actually wana skip asian film as well... but since im in more form today... might as well go take a look and see how the presentation is going to be like.. coz it'll soon be my turn...

Ystrday was yet another blow for me again...

It is really sad to be misunderstood... especially by someone whom u like... all the issues turns out in me making another friend angry... all the distrust and disbelieve. Den all of a sudden the whole world turns against me... i spent alone inside the auditorium reflecting... alot... no one was there with me... where is friends when i need them in times like tt? i missed the sec sch days where peishan zirong will juz sit beside me... simply there... not speaking... juz there... it's juz really very nan shou by myself at those moments... what went through my mind was what the hell am i doing so much for others yet others dun even heck about me? Do they even or ever thot in my shoes b4? have they spare a thot for me b4 as well? but den again... when i help others... i nvr thot of getting anything in return... but... is there anyone who will spare me?

Jane... i duno u reading this or not... but really... those avoid... those wary... are really not necessary... with all those misunderstandings arising... u dun feel gd oso rite? so why? and when u say u juz find out Alot more abot me... but u only told me 1... wat's other stuffs tt makes u so wary of me? why cant juz be normal? i dun care whether u reciprocate or not... coz tt really doesnt matter any more... i dun wish to be hated by you... i dun wish the case back in poly days where this girl hates me for 3 years.... tt's freaking upsetting and very very heart wrenching.

I think im really going to avoid u somehow... coz i really dun wish that to happen... hope that there's a day... where u can come talk to me, instead of me going to you...
duno if it's going to work or not... dun even noe i can do it or not... but i juz dun wish u to be hating me...

...it's autumn time, 10:53 PM

Recently... ive been working... working too hard... and i dun really even noe the reason why...

I juz know that i need to... i feel that i need it as well... juz keep wrking and wrking... and now im ill again...
Actually... it doesnt matter how ill i am... but the matter of fact tt i wrked so much... yet nthing is progressing... everything seems like taking even 1 step back...

Im quite lost... as in really lost now... ive lost my directions... ive lost my aims... ive lost my interest... ive lost abot myself...

Ive emoed for the past few days... and i worsen my condition totally... and now im misunderstood by her... it makes me feel even worse... i duno how to explain to her... coz no matter wat, it will still be seen as my fault. Felt that those 2 days should nvr happened... where our friendship now is on the verge... feels that she's totally avoiding me... totally hating me...

Even if i say i dun like her now... nthing will seems to help... Like she said b4... she juz wana be normal friends... but why cant we be still? She say she dun wana hurt me... but why am i still feeling hurt?

I duno how would she feel now... but wat i feel... is that she's really hating me now... and im really gonna disappear frm her life...
i dun wana let her feel this way... or rather... i dun wana be hated by her...

I really think that i sucks alot of time... especially during such relationship issues

Zen... is always an idiot...

...it's autumn time, 4:00 AM

It hurts.... but wat can i do without?

...it's autumn time, 10:22 PM

Yesterday... the window's shut, the fan's off, covered in blanket, wrapped...

yet i was still shivering on my bed...

Labels: emo

...it's autumn time, 10:13 AM

Ive been slping in school quite alot... does it means tt im crazy or too free? actually... not... im juz simply having lots of work to do... office work i oso bring to school and do... coz i dun believe i can wrk at home anymore... the beds and stuffs are simply too tempting to stop wrking and go to slp...

yesterday was like the worst day... i have 5 assignments to complete within 1 nite... and tt's when i felt i got so much to do and cant complete... I wrked frm 12am... but 2am to be exact... coz gotta do capturing, went back home to get my hp etc... 2am was the time i started doing my graphic design...

i really have not enuff time till i asked for help already... and im still not able to complete!!! thx to xinni, peiwen, meihung and manoj for helping... i think i really cui ystrday... poked my finger damn deep i think... quite pain=p... but tt's not the worst...

The worst was that after all the 12 hrs of chionging out... my presentation was brought to next week...
andddddddd
i have a typo on my wrk!!!!!!!! t

that means have to redo-_-" WTF! freaking waste of effort
=(

and i totally in the -_-" mood.... and the =( mood... damn sianz loh... my claz ends at 830 summore! throughout was half awake, half aslp... and pris suddenly pinch on my neck and so accurately hit the nerve spot. JIT TAO WAKE UP! but i v grouchy... coz kena disturb and pain=p

haix... lots of unhappy stuffs... im not happy... things happened the next day was even worse... makes me worst...

actualy.. iam the worst

Labels: adm

...it's autumn time, 3:43 AM

omg.. this is tooooooo gd for me in adm=p

...it's autumn time, 3:34 AM

Is the world changing at a pace tt i cant follow up?

The news is saying that people dun take care of their parents nowadays and the cases is rising.

I thot filial piety is last era kind of education? so meaning the adults nowadays shd be more filial den us rite?
So why is it that stories of parents going to old folks home, children not taking care of parents are so common and actually rising?

So will i be one of those people? hm.. tough question actually... but i dun think i will...

Am i that Old to follow up the trend? or im really tt old fashion?

Well... i think people out there, please dun follow trend for such thing.. but at least for me to noe... i haven really got to noe people who will dispose off their parents...=)
Let us be traditional=)

...it's autumn time, 9:21 PM

~insomnia.
Film production, assignment 1

Labels: adm

...it's autumn time, 7:15 PM

No... i haven abandon this blog. Just that ive been very busy for the camp. and i having not a very gd mood to write as well...

haha... no surprise... when did i have really fun entries in my blog? most of the times are emos emos emos...

today... is juz another of my emo days...

it's been quite long since i last felt like this... this feeling, isnt nice. isnt good. worse when school is juz going to start again.

Ive just finished writing a long entry... dating juz after the FOC... keeping in the draft though... meant for myself... to keep as a reminder... to keep as a memory...

these 2 weeks i think... was getting bad to worse. im getting moody. getting frustrated. i think i know the source... but i still cant take control of it yet... i tried afew ways... keeping myself calm... keeping my mind clear... spend on stuffs i wish to spend... went out whenever i can... it's still not wrking...

The feelings went deeper... even though i know i did nthing... nthing enough to make me feel more... it just grew... im like digging this hole deeper for myself to jump in-_-... just when i thot i finished covering another.

This empty feeling. i hate it... that hole in the heart can nvr be filled in any easy way by myself... it wouldnt work... right now... this feeling is accompanying to school reopen...

I DONT WANT! i dun wan such feelings to be there juz when im starting sch! it feels so much like last semester... when i juz broke up... though i wasnt even attached now...

mixed feelings... even we cleared up things... very clear... but my heart has let it out... it's just impossible to say stop den it will stop... i still duno why the 2 days happened so fast... what i dun understand is that it happened... but we're not together... neither are we closer... i duno... im really out of idea of wat to do. wat to think... im juz blurred...

5am... ive ran in the school... showered... ate... and now in adm... 3 more hrs b4 i shd be awake to be ready for claz... 36hrs nvr slp...

this sem... im starting with a confused mind. a tired state. and a blank academic aim... coz i really duno wat's going to happen...

i wonder... will u at least be with me... supporting me? and not distancing...

Labels: emo

...it's autumn time, 3:44 AM

Freshmen camp has finally ended 2 weeks ago... and school is going to reopen sooooooonnnnnn!!!!!

I HAVEN ENJOYED MY HOLIDAYS YETTTTTTTT!!!!! lol...

Okie... the freshmen camp has really widen alot of my scopes in organising, in judgement, in trust, in believing. I would say the orientation camp wasnt the event that should bring me down or even makes fail as a leader... but well.. many things happened and i do think that in this camp... i failed as a chairperson organising this event.

But with the manpower gone, errors in communication, and all other bad things that goes wrong during the camp, with the help ive got from all members... we've made it somehow and the camp was a great success to the freshmen. This is indeed a camp by all of us... not a single handed organised camp by anyone... without all... i guess i would have been dead by now=p.. lol

Shant really blog on this... coz there's too much to bitch about everyday... the people, the attitude, and stuffs like tt... and worse is that everyday i got shocking stuffs happening and my mental wasnt as great during the camp... lol... everyday as if getting heart attacks=p LOL...

But im happy overall abot the camp itself... we've created a new legend... not legend about publicity... not legend about MIA people... but the prgrms itself... i guess our camp is the earliest ending 1!=p though the fact that by the time we reached the accomodation is already way past wat we expected=p lol... the initiation slide was great! ending 2 hrs earlier den wat we expect... same to audition, we started late, yet we ended within time expected=p the ending helicopter escape was an epic... i experience it myself when i juz reach ADM.. kudos to POW and his comm!=p wasted is tt i couldnt see the scene where the freshmen was dragged into the room and killed... i think tt scene is damn great!=p

The video committee is kicking off this year with the help of cindy and ben tan, their hrs of slp is like mine... damn little... and sometimes when im slping, they're editing... they're really great... if not coz of the cock up this year, i would be heading this as well=p haha.. nvm... next year=) we'll be even better=)

Great thanks to my main comm ppl as well... without them... i think i would still be struggling alone... of coz not forgetting my seniors... who have been supporting me behind the scenes... always ready to push me back, standing by with all they could to make the camp goes well...

Adhocs senior was very very much appreciated as well... with very minimal time informed and information given, they juz came, and helped. without grudges, without complains abot the time wasted...
simply great=)

and lastly to all my batch of ppl who came to help in Alliance leaders, Assistants, programmers etc... all ur effort that uve put in, i can see it... i might not be able to thank u personally but be sure tt i know and i can see... thanks for all ur slpless nites of preparation and making this a memorable 1 for the freshmen...

There's much to thanks... and also much to apologise as well... with all the mistakes that we've made this year, hopefully we'll be able to rectify and make it a better 1 next year...

sianz... tt'll means tt more wrk for me as well... lol...

I WAN MY HOLIDAYSSSSSS=p

Labels: adm

...it's autumn time, 1:46 PM

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